{Warning- this contains talk of SelfHarm and Suicide. If you don't like my disorders and problems don't read ahead}

Hey, 

I'm at home alone because my brother was rushed to hospital yesterday afternoon. My mum left me at home since I can't go into a hospital without vomiting like crazy (the smell makes me sick, it's horrible) anyway yea I received a text from my mum last night around 8pm saying she will try and be home when she can. I fell asleep around 9:30pm telling her I was going to sleep. I never got a reply and I've been up since 2am, wide awake not tired at all... However I've been sick a few times and what's annoying is I can't have the day off school because well my mum isn't here for me to ask *sigh* I honestly don't feel up for school today.

Last week I was trying to be positive, I was changing bad thoughts into good thoughts but Saturday everything just crashed and I was a mess...I held so many emotions in that I just exploded. I broke my 3 weeks of being clean, I even broke 4 sharpners to get the blades out. I am angry with myself because in under 4 months I have my prom and im wearing a strapless dress...now I have new scars how the hell am I supposed to hide them... I have 22 new scars on my arm..why didn't I just cut my thigh like I always do, why couldn't I pull through the urges. *screams* I hate myself 

i did start writing in a journal afterwards...I let out so many thoughts and feelings but some still plague me now and it's upsetting me...why does the mind like to bring up past events? Why? I wanted to forget about it, I wanted to move on but it's still here...I've been replaced I'm not wanted anymore...I was used... I gave up all my time to please them,to help them...they told me they would be there for me, like I was for them. But where are they now...having the best of times with their new friends forgetting me and my existence... I was taken for granted, countless nights I didn't sleep just to be with them as they had a hard time. I ing stopped you from committing ing suicide! Huh! WHERE THE ARE YOU WHEN I NEED SOMEONE! YOU BROKE YOUR PROMISE TO ME! You... Just you... 

I probably annoy so many people on this site with my problems...and I am sorry...

I can't even talk to my friends because I feel like I would be burdening them. Many I don't think like me I feel like I'm just someone to fall back on when their best friends are sick or are not around...*sigh* I am really not up for school today...do you think I would get away with just hiding in my room and not turn up... Uh it I will just have to go. I swear though if the girl in my English class pisses me off again I won't hold back! Today isn't a good day and I'm just worried I will end up doing something stupid *cries* 

Im sorry... 

Bye...