I've been staying away from AFF and not writing much fics to try to focus on studying, but I don't think I had much focus to begin with anyway and I was probably distracted by other stuff instead of AFF, but still, I held myself back from most things I loved doing in the internet. There were a lot of frustrations and even depressing moments for me.  Plus, we have been very busy at work too.  It's always tiring to study after having a difficult time at work plus even having overtime work, but I know being tired is no real excuse. I guess I just really lacked determination or some push or something.

It's the first time that I failed such an important test in my life which is the NCLEX (US nursing license exam), but I'm happy that my mom and uncle took in the news just okay. I was really expecting to be scolded, but mom just said, "It's okay. Don't worry about it anymore. Just retake the exam."  and I also thought my uncle might belittle me or something because his son (my cousin) is really smart and all but he also just went like "Aw. That's sad. Just let her retake it."

I almost cried, but I didn't.  If I really cried, it wouldn't be because I failed the exam.  It's because I was touched that the people around me have been more understanding and really supportive.  I have been given hugs and have been consoled by my officemates.

There were a lot of signs that I would fail, but I continued to ignore them.  Most of all, I also even had a dream of failing and the way my trainer delivered the news to me through chat was the same as in my dream!!! Unlike my friend who my trainer called, I was given the bad news through chat.  My mom also told me she had a dream.  It was the kind of dream which would tell her that bad news would be coming.

I can't help but think maybe mom and I are "fortune tellers" Hahahaha!!! We seem to have that kind of ability through dreams. Also, mom dreamt of my dead father who said that I should study hard.  I guess that was a warning sign too that I would fail.

I felt more sad for my trainer because none of us (there are 4 of us) really passed the exam.  I wish all of us would pass the second time around.

Mom made me eat my favorite sizzling squid for dinner at a restaurant which she didn't allow me the other night because I had allergies from an unknown source so we were just trying to avoid any food that might possibly trigger the itchiness of an allergy, but I'm not really allergic to squid.

I'll just take it easy for tonight, but slowly try to get myself back to studying tomorrow. I honestly don't know where to start, but I'll probably take some random nursing tests online and then read the rationale (answers and reasons) to give my brain some exercises.

I'm feeling hopeful~ ^_^