I've never had a relationship after my boyfriend left me for another girl. That was three years ago, believe me or not I still hate that guy. I don't know but when I became a K-POP fan, I didn't think that the past with my ex-boyfriend is the darkest time of my life. I even tried to commit suicide. Anyways, it's not the point here.

I woke up, opened my SNS, and what greeted was my sister's post about Suga having a  girlfriend all this years. I've read articles through media sites, and I couldn't help but to believe it. I somehow noticed to Suga's personality, he hides a lot of things so I was kind of amused. Still not getting some comment from him though.

"We are just a fan in general..." this what makes me live everyday as a kpop fan. I've tried so hard not to fall in love with Suga or J-Hope. But I guess, love comes in its own way.

I got hurt. I am hurt. I'm in pain. I am ing hurt and I am crying right now. I am crying while I write this message which seemed to be useless at all. I just want to say what I feel. I'm so hurt that I couldn't even eat my breakfast and lunch. I worked hard everyday, trying to come up good stories and even manage my own business. I've worked hard, and do you know who my inspiration is? That's Suga and J-Hope. I love Bangtan. I just love them like my brothers except for that ing Suga.

I'm angry. depressed. sad, and worse of all disappointed. 

Writing this with a heavy heart, caused me a lot of pain. Leaving the k-pop world, popped in my mind just now. I don't think its an option but I will do my best in order to leave it.

It's hard to fall in love with your bias. Even though they say "We love you A.R.M.Y's" it means they love the 100 thousands of fans all over the world, and there's not even a 0.000001% for me, for you to get noticed.

I'll just work hard in life, make this pain what I have now as my energy to go through this life.

I may be over-reacting, but damn!!!!!! JUST IMAGINE IT!!! OK???!!!! I'M SO FRUSTRATED.

Thanks for reading.

- Hyunjae Kim