Hi there!

So it's already 2015! That went by so quick, so many things happened in 2014 and 2013 that has made me grow as a person and as a writer. Firstly, I want to say I'm sorry for not continuing Raptures like I said I would and going on a hiatus for Esteemed Idols for so long some of you went looking for me. That was sweet though, telling me to not give up on my story and stuff like you guys are the best and your subs and comments empower me to continue writing and let myself as a write grow in terms of language and creativity and I can tell how much I've grown just by looking at the first few chapters I've written for Raptures. Like if you're a writer, you feel the pride you deserve to feel like when you reach 100 subs and like when you reach the 7000 words mark. It's amazing really, subbers and commenters aren't something you can get easily too like this is someone's interest you're looking for and apparently people are interested in my stories. That makes me feel happy.

So I want to talk to you guys for a bit, just to, not vent, but rather tell you a story. You know how I said I'm a medical student now and I'm crap busy and stuff. Well it's not a lie, I am a medical student now and I am busy. And on most days after uni, I'm just dead tired and I don't know if I can study for that quiz tomorrow when I still have a million more things to do and so much feelings to deal with. Because, well you could say I'm an outsider here. Somone who came to another person's city, and the culture is different and it's juss extremely hard to fit in. Sad to say, not being able to fit in and rejected by the society here by just being who I am is part of the reason why I went MIA for so long. It was a really hard time, I lost contact with my friends on Tlist and my friends back home, I don't have that many friends here that I could count on, and I lost something that usually makes me happy. You know, I started writing in the first place because I want to express the movies that play out in my head. And expressing them makes me feel so good. I lost that. I didn't feel the euphoria of liking my bias anymore, probably because of the Baekyeon scandal. Damn like I think if that didn't happen I would still stan baekhyun through the ups and downs living the uni life. Or maybe not, you know. I still stanned baekhyun though I'm sad after finding out about that scandal, and through Kris's lawsuit and Luhan leaving. Sad not because like he didn't choose me but because I failed as a fan to support what makes him happy. I read a fic last week, a fic I found after my sister made me read this other baek fic that made me read other baek fics. So you gotta thank my sis, it's bc of her I'm back now. Wait, um... anyways, I read a fic last week. It was such a good fic, it's called His Dark Side. I forgot which chapter it was but she expressed her feelings about Baekyeon and I cried. It's weird but I did because she can't be any righter than she is. Like her words are so right, and I'm thankful because she made me realize why I was so sad about how exo was being hit with stones and I just left them and I didnt understand why. 

I think I lost the point here. Going back to what I want to say, 2014 was ty. But it was because people threw at me that I grew and I wiped the off and I stopped caring what they think of me. Not gonna lie, it's hard. But the end result is so worth it, like I didn't get straight As for my courses but a B is so much better than having to retake the course in 2017. It will pay off and I'm thankful that I still get subsribers and comments even after I was gone. 

Happy new years, aff!