[the reason for this being so thoughtfully edited is because it took me quite some time to figure my heart out...]

I have a name, just as any other living being which have not been abandoned by the Mother Earth and this is my ty life, but when it comes to the terms of my name, I feel a deep hatred or rather feel ashamed of it. What is kind of irrelevant, don't you think? Names shape our personality, it makes us the "human beings" we are now. Or at least we act like that in order to hide that deep inside we are only hollow corpses.

Welcome to my life of a loner and self-conscious person who fears of the truth being revealed.

I am 19 years old female.

I am coming from a family that used to have a great name. But then, my sister ed it up all. My dad was on the verge of dying and ever since then, it feels like nothing will be back to it's old good days.

I am insecure as fu*k. 

I am a liar.

I have no idea why I set up this account. It is true, I do have another one, where I post my stories and try to show only the nice side of me, the one everyone adores and is happy for.

But it is only a mask. I am none of that! 

I am not brave. I am scared even of calling someone first.

I am not pretty. Every single time I look into mirror, I feel like scaring my face with scissors. 

I am not popular. People avoid me, ignore me. 

I am not smart. I am way too lazy to show my full potential and it is even sadder since I know about it and do nothing.

I am lonely. I fell attracted to a guy who is committed in a relationship. I am aware that doing this is... just awful.

I lie. No one really knows me.

That's it! Probably, the reason why I set up this account. To show my true self... Many people will feel disgusted, reject me - do it, I would do it as well! But on the other side, maybe that's what I am supposed to learn - to accept myself for who I am and not for my fantasy. [lol - let's just joke and make fun out of our selves.... I am quite good at it and yes, I am being sarcastic...]