After being 3 weeks clean I finally broke...

My family don't realise how much their actions cause me to do stupid things... I am constantly treated like a piece of that people can just kick about, my brother treats me as if I'm a slave... Today he told me I had to the dirt off his shoe as it's my fault it got dirty... My mum blames me for everything that goes wrong...

I honestly think they don't want me here.... I'm sat here looking at my freshly cut wrist with 16 new marks scaring my skin.... Thinking about how refreshed I feel now but I want to add more.... 

I have these voices... And I was fighting it off earlier but...it..I guess he won.. It doesn't hurt but I am sat here crying all alone like usual... 

I'm so ing depressed that I want to ing die... I have school tomorrow and I honestly can't face the people in my classes I will end up crying or something because that's how my mental state is right now... I'm broken from stress and anxiety I keep having silent panic attacks during classes but can't tell anyone.... Do you know how painful it is to suppress the cries of a panic attack I get chest pain and say how I'm just feeling sick nothing serious because I know they will tell my mum.... 

My attendance at school is 86% so I can't have another day of for months as I'm on a level 2 warning..... I can't talk to anyone at school because all they do is tell you that you're fine... I get treated like a doll or something my friends don't actually help as they just make the stress even higher... I am probably going to cry tomorrow... I just want someone to ing hug me and tell me I'm alright take care of me be there for me when the demons take over my head..