Um so it's my birthday on Sunday and i usually love to spend it in the comfort of my own home since i can't afford to do anything special let alone have a cake and it's been like that forever but i'm okay with it.

I've been at my grandmother's house for about three weeks rn bc it's much more peaceful here and not like home lol.

Since i'm turning 18 my grandmother wanted to do something for me really bad bc she knows i've never had something special done for me and she wants to invite the whole family over on Saturday. The thing is that i'm not at all comfortable with this bc i'm not good with lots of people around me and this is why i never go to family functions.

But she was sobbing and i HAD to agree bc i felt so bad. I was originally gonna go to dinner with my bff but i felt bad bc they're moving the same day and her mom is pissed that she wants to come with me so i told her it was okay and that the dinner wasn't that important anyway so she could help her family.

So as my grandmother was inviting people a lot of them had plans and were mad bc they thought it would be Sun but now it's Sat. They were yelling and i felt so bad i had to go excuse myself to sit in the bathroom and cry bc it's so overwhelming and i'm wasting their time and money for this thing.

Today we went to buy a cake for me and the one i chose wasn't the regular one they always get for birthdays and i've been getting dirty looks ever since and i feel like they hate me so much.

There is so much money being spent and time being wasted and it ing bc i don't even want this and i just wish i hadn't come here to get warped into this .

I can't say anything bc no one will listen so i need to in my feelings and just deal with this whole thing until it's all over. I'm used to it so it at least won't be too much to bear lmao.

I'm sorry i just really needed to let some ranting and anger and steam out before i do something i'll regret later.