ha

i bet you thought this was about my fics or w/e

im sorry

i dont have any motivation at all

whatsoever

at this point in time my life is aimless

but any way

*NEW DEVELOPMENTS!!!*

1. my sister is crying right now. i wish she never had to cry

2. i dyed my hair and even though all my friends say it looks really pretty there is a nagging doubt in my head telling my that theyre only saying that out of common courtesy and that it actually looks really . mainly because my family thinks it looks horrible, and today my father said that my new hair colour looked ugly. i dont want to listen to him, or the sighs that my sister and mother make whenever they see my hair and actually consider it, because this is MY choice. Literally the only thing i have control over in my life is my hair, and i really dont need anyone trying to make me feel bad about it.

3. i'm finding it increasingly hard to concentrate on anything and i waste most of my day doing nothing

4. i have no idea what i'm going to do when i leave school and in reality three years isnt that far away

5. no matter how early i sleep i always wake up tired

6. i cant even look a stranger in the eye in public and soon i'm going to be into the outside world where i'll have to make doctors appointments on my own and introduce myself i dont want to grow up

7. i'm so alone. but maybe thats my fault because i never suggest anything, maybe because i'm too afraid of rejection. but then again my friends never want to leave their houses so

8. i just want to have a constant friend that i can hug for a long time, that wont pick anyone over me and someone who'll actually tell me whats going on with them, because all of my life people have kept secrets from and when i find out they say they didnt tell me because "you'll tell everyone". i never tell anyone. it hurts to be overlooked.

9. thinking about it now i can't do anything worthwhile. i'm useless. 

10. as the days pass life becomes more and more meaningless and the numbers that tick by on the calendars and clocks are expiration dates

WASNT THAT UPLIFTING?????

yeah i'm kind of wading in a mire of self-conciousness and worldy confusion

but yall have a good day