I'm insecure almost everything about myself.

this. Erase the almost. It's everything.

How I walk, how I talk, how I smile, how I laugh, how I eat, heck, even drink.

I don't effin know what's happening to me.

I know you don't care about this , I tried to not care too but...

Okay, so the reason why I posted this because,

I think people see me as a weakling. I think.

Why?

Because I'm always ... I don't want to boast or anything but there is this personality about me that I really want to throw it away.

Not hurting people's feelings.

That's the thing. Even when my friends embarassed me and made me look like a piece of trash in public, even when they backstabbed me, all those things they did to me, I still gave them a ing second chance. And they end up doing it again. And I still gave them a chance. Then, repeat.

I would be laughing with them the next day acting like nothing happened between us. From my point of view, they must think that I'm cheap. But actually, no, I'm not. I'm a lot tougher. Sure, I can spit out venom-like words to them, but I can't. Do you see my problem?

I just- I'm afraid. Afraid to hurt their feelings. Hahah, is there a phobia name for that? Cursing people is just not my thing.

They say I have a huge ego. I have to admit that. I don't say 'Thanks' to people unless they are a very special person like my gradmother. I don't say 'Sorry' to people. Ever. Except those sorry like, 'Sorry, excuse me.' Yeah. No wonder they hate me yeah?

Okay this is stupid but I want to act like a cold person in school. But I don't know how.

I want to act cold because I want them to see that I'm not as weak as they see me. Stupid, aint it?

Help? Like seriously, I don't know how to start. I am always that happy go lucky girl, being hyper, laughing all the time, making jokes in class (thank god they laughed).

Even from appereance. I want them to think when they see me is, 'Better not mess with this girl.'

They know that I have an effin huge ego, so maybe that might help?