Sungmin, minnie, pumpkin, cutie pie and my little baby
How are you? I hope you're fine...people were harsh on you, huh?
Well, you deserve it (not everything but let's be honest, you're not innocent at all) you deceived us and acted like a child, the timing was wrong too
I hated you, I couldn't look at your face or hear your voice
Everything was too painful
The heart, my heart-was bleeding
Never thought I'd feel this way. I was sick, couldn't eat for days. I've never felt the pain of love, but I ended up getting hurt because of you
I was so weak, confused and deeply depressed
People never understand why I love kyumin so much and I think it's time to tell you;
It's a secret. only few people know about this, but I think it's the right time
 7 years ago, I remember like it was yesterday
 7 years ago I wanted to die, but I was too scared. I was only 17 but life was so cruel
 

It all started 24 years ago after my parent's wedding, they had a fight and wanted to divorce but couldn’t because my mother was pregnant with me

She wanted to commit suicide by jumping off the roof but someone stopped her

My grandparents took care of me, I was their favorite grandchild, they were more than parents to me, they were my whole world

Unfortunately my grandpa passed away when I was 8   

After that, my life became a living hell.

I was abused by my parents

I shouldn't have been born in the first place and they always reminded me that.

They always reminded me how worthless I am, how fat and ugly I am. They really hated me

I was beaten up by my parents for no reason, every time

Bruises in the body can be healed but a bruised heart always remember

I had no friends and been bullied a lot in school. I was alone in the world

When I grew up I tried my best not to be a bother- I started working at age 15,paying for my books, school fees and the rest of my expenses. I never let work affect my grades, and I was at the top of my class

I gave them the rest of my salary only to help them (we are 7 members in my family, my mom is deaf so my dad is the only one who works) but it was never enough.

When I was 17, life was hard, so hard to the point that I couldn’t bear it anymore

My innocent smile disappeared and was replaced by pain

Everything was too much for me, if I'm so worthless I should die. There's no point in living this kind of life

I preferred burning in hell than living in this world

I'm a strong person, if I say that I wanted to die then my life was really a mess))

I was miserable. I waited until everyone fell asleep then took the knife and tried to cut my wrist    

at the end of the day, the only thing I needed-was love
That's how you guys entered the picture
after my suicide attempt I came across a band named "super junior"

after listening to their songs, this band helped me to recover and little by little I was able to stitch the pieces of my broken heart

I've never opened my heart to anyone, I was afraid of getting hurt again

But this guy-kyuhyun, whoa! he took my breath away with his amazing voice, heartbreaking story and his personality

I loved him (I was a teenager, don't judge me XD)

But after some time, after watching videos and concerts I realized that "I can't love you like sungmin does" from that moment I started shipping kyumin (it took me a ing 6 months to realize that)

You were my sunshine, the reason for me to smile again. Suddenly I've found a reason to wake up every morning

I saw how you looked and smiled at each other, and how much you cared about him and he cared about you

I saw the love in your eyes and I was jealous- I wished to have this kind of love for myself

I believe kyumin was real till some point (and if it wasn’t, it was an amazing friendship that I've never seen), but you chose to marry that woman

You said it yourself that you want to get married before turning 30

I hated you sungmin, I couldn’t look at your face

Everything I built during these 6 years have been destroyed by you

My heart was bleeding and my smile has disappeared

So please forgive my foolish heart, for being so delusional- I hated you for no reason, you're a grown up man and it's your choice after all…

I respect your decision but don't expect me to accept her

I only hope she can make you smile, like kyuhyun did

And that she'll be able to comfort you when you're sad

I wish you won't cry or suffer because of her

And she'll love you more than she loves herself

I hope your kids will take your genes and wont look like her (she's giving me the creeps, I had nightmares because of her face >~<)

And most important- you're a great person, don't let her change your personality!

Otherwise I'll kill her (I swear! I'm serious ><)

And besides, kyuhyun will always be there for you ^^

As for me?

It'll take me some time to recover…it's been 6 years after all…

And well, it's time to look for a new reason to smile- I'm going to start dating again…I'll find someone who'll love me,

someone who won't be able to live without me,

someone who will make me smile again, and marry him. :)

And kyumin? they will be always real in my imagination,

Because of them I was able to meet amazing people like my readers so I'm very thankful  

Kyumin will always stay in my heart.

Joyers-