Warning: emotional teenage girl who needed a place to rant

He doesn’t understand how happy I get when I see him. The way my cheeks turn red, the way my face turns warm. I scream inside my head, hoping that he’d just turn my direction and smile. I love seeing him smile. It makes me melt. The way he laughs is just mesmerizing. If I could, I’d record it and replay it all day long. It makes me happy. I love seeing him with his friends; the way he acts like an idiot, just to get people to laugh. I love how he's naturally a dork, without even trying. Is that so bad? I love the way he pushes up his glasses from the side, and not from his nose. I miss his glasses :c I love the way he always has a half-smile on when he talk. Even though he isn’t the best looking guy around, I’d choose him over some pretty boy. including my bias omg. There’s something about him that keeps me interested, but i don't know what that is. He's smart, funny, and helpful; most guys are, but why is so special to me? Even when I thank God for letting me see him for even just a short period of time, there are times when I hate him being around and wish for him to just leave. When I see him, my heart races, but at the same time it aches. I want to talk to him soo badly, but I’m too afraid to do anything. I’m afraid that he wouldn’t respond, or that I wouldn’t know what to say. I’m afraid that I’m not good enough for him. He used to like my best friend, who was smart, pretty, talented, funny, and social. I'm just an average girl who sings in the bathroom because I'm too afraid of society. I'm just a girl who makes more friends on the internet more than in real life. I hate how scenarios of him with someone else play in my head. I don’t even know why I'm thinking about this. He isn’t, wasn’t, and never will be mine. I always get so jealous when I see him with some other girl, talking and laughing. I always wish that he'd talk to me, but I know it's my fault because i never approach him =/ But is it so wrong to hope? Someday, I want to be able to hold him close, and tell him how much I love him. I want to hold his hand and call him mine. I want to be rightfully jealous when i see him with someone else, because i'll be too afraid someone else might fall for him. But for now, I’ll stick to patiently hoping he’d notice me. I’ll just admire him from afar, hoping that we become more than just friends.