Mr. & Mrs. High School

Title ( 5/10)

Personally, I don't really find the title interesting. Its unique, though. Since I don't think fanfictions will have a title like that. Although I must be honest that you can do a title better than that. Make the title more interesting and attractive to readers so that there will be a lot of interests and people will stop by your story and read that story of yours.

Description&Foreword ( 3/10)

I'm sorry, but I have to give you a low score on this one. The description, is a plain two sentence. Although some stories can attract readers with just two sentences, but that is a hard thing to acheieve. I understand that you don't want to reveal everything to lead the readers to curiosity. Yet,you still have to make your description more descriptive. Try describing some possible matters that can happen if their status are revealed. After luring the readers in with some exciting possibilities, then ask a question like, 'What will happen?' That way, it will be way more exciting than just a plain two sentences. For foreword, you gave the readers a 'sneak peak' of one part of the story, which is a dialogue. I must say I was confused why you would pick that part, because it doesn't really match the title. That is just how high school couples act instead of a married one. Like I said before, add some more spice and try changing the foreword into something more interesting and related to the title.

Grammar&Language ( 10/20)

Gave you a ten because I understand English is not your first language, nor are you fluent with it. I suggest you to find a beta-reader if you have troubles with your grammar, spelling and language. Oh and do mind the punctuations in the story.

Instead of not leaving any spaces after the commas,fullstop or question marks,like this,it is sometimes very confusing if you write it this way.

I suggest you leave spaces after commas, fullstop or question marks, like this. This way, it will be way easier for the viewers to read your story.

You habve a lot of errors, such as:

• I smiled before closed my locker,walked casually to my class.Once I sit,all my bestfriends came to me,ask me so many questions and I can’t reply at all when they keep asking.Sometimes I can’t believe why I be friends with this guys,but all of this eleven dorkies are somehow one of my treasure.I growled a little to make them quiet and success.
• I smiled before closing my locker,walking casually to my class.Once I sit,all my bestfriends came to me,asking me so many questions and I can’t reply at all when they keep asking.Sometimes I can’t believe why I am friends with this guys,but all of this eleven dorkies are somehow my treasure.I growled a little to make them quiet and it was a success.

Why was it an error? Well since it was Kris' POV, which certainly shows that it was present. Meaning, instead of using past tense in the sentence, you should use present tense instead. There are a lot of errors in the story and like I said earlier, you can look for a beta reader to fix your writing.

Character ( 12/20)

What to say about this, hm. Well Kris had that bad boy image from the general point of view. But seeing him being so lovey-dovey with Amber makes it unique. Although, I recommend not to give Kris' character because it is hardly imaginable. Like Kris, Amber has that tomboy image, I repeat, in general. You made Amber have a cute image there. Thats a good thing, since we can have different perspective than the usual ones.

Originality&Storyline (10 /20)

I find it quite normal for the storyline where highschoolers are getting married so its quite cliche for me. Otherwise, I must that the story line goes to fast. Instead of a , there are only conflicts. Maybe add a few more details when Hyosung hugged Kris. Add more descriptions to bring the mood to another level that can make your readers actually feel how annoyed Kris is, how much Kris loved Amber. I repeat, details. Descriptive stories are always the best since it brings people to the top of their emotion, making them feel what the character was feeling.

Overall ( 40/80)

Basically, I don't really enjoy the story line because they don't really give me feels. Also that you mentioned in the description that they were married, and only the friends knew. Sadly though, you didnt give a surprise for the readers where they reveal it at the end. I mean, since the whole title is about that, Amber and Kris being a married couple in highschool. They can't keep it as a secret forever, can they? So at the end, I suggest you to be more descriptive and find a beta-reader for your grammar mistakes. Have a good day!