Okay well I really want your advice on this okay? 

Okay so I hope you guys still take me serious after figuring out my grade level x.x

So I'm a seventh grader licing in Texas and I'm half Vietnamese and Korean.

My mom and dad are divorced so I don't know any Korean except for like K-pop fan basics ^^

Uhm I'm catholic and I go to an all Viet church and stuff.

So maybe two years ago, I met this guy named James. ( Remember that name okay?)

Well we didn't technically meet cx Okay so here's the story

                                                                                     Year of 2012 maybe middle of the year-ish

Okay well my mom forces me and my siblings to go to Sunday school where we take bible classes and Vietnamese classes. It's not that bad tbh. Okay well my Sunday School schedule is to go to Bible class, then to church, then to lunch, then to Vietnamese class. 

So it was after bible class and church and we were in the cafeteria at my sunday school. ( It's huge btw. like it cost millions to build)

Okay well during lunch they sell different foods such as fried shrimp, soup, sandwiches, egg rolls, spring rolls, chicken nuggets, french fries, etc..

So every week back then, my sister would ALWAYS get the soup there and EVERY time she got it she would forget to bring a spoon, so guess who always has to get it for her? YEA ME. -.-

So anyways, that one week, this lady came up to our table that we were sitting at for lunch and asked if her family could sit with us. (It's always really packed btw)

Of course being the nice family we are, we said yes. So I remembered her calling her familyy over to our table. It was a pretty small family. There was this boy around my brother's age and a little boy that was maybe in third grade at that time, and a husband aand the lady who was the wife obviously.

So they sat down in front of us and everything was normal, until my sister just had to forget her spoon AGAIN. You don't know how annoying it is.

So she asked me and I was just really annoyed and stuff but I did it anyways because I'm amazing like that c:

I got up to go get the spoon and came back, but since I was annoyed I threw the spoon at her face and screamed, "THERES YOUR STUPID SPOON"

Then the lady's familly looked at me weird and stuff ovo

                                                                         ~~~FAST FORWARD TO NEW YEARS DAY 2013~~~

So on New Years, I have to go to church and stuff. So we went to church and we had happen to sit next to that lady's family and stuff. No one in our familu seem to notice except me. So I had saw that the older brother and the younger brother were wearing matching sweaters AND IT WAS SO KAWAII =^,^=

Throughout church that day, I just kept staring at them ( As creepy as that sounds o.o ) Then I started to notice that the older brother was pretty cute and stuff.

As the sunday school year went on, I started to notice them more and more. Then somehow I just kept trying to find them every week. I remeber I started to like the older brother because he reminded me of Baekhyun cx ( As shallow as that seems, but now he reminds me of Baro from B1A4 )

Anyways, I remeber it was kind of dumb because I had "liked" the older brother but I didn't even know his name.

Then one Sunday his family sat at the table behind us, with my back facing his face. So I decided to tell my brother, cousin, and sister. So I was like " Hey, that kid behind me is like super cuuuuuuteeee."

Then all of a sudden my brother is like "OH I KNOW HIM! HE WAS IN MY BIBLE CLASS LAST YEAR :DD" then I hear my brother scream "HI JAMES!!"

And that is how I figured out his name. 
                                                                  ~~~FAST FORWARD TO SUMMER 2K13~~~

So I visit New York every summer to visit my aunt and other reletives. I remeber it was a week before I would come back to Texas.

I was in my aunt's guest room with my cousin and I was just on my ophone, scrolling through instagram. ( you should follow me c; @lxnhie)

I was looking through someone's 'following' list and I had found one name and profile picture that had caught my eye.

@jamesdao_

I remember just automatically screaming and fangirling soooo hard. I was just freaking out.

I then followed him and posted a few comments saying " Oh I know you, I sat next to you at church blah blah blah"

Then I remeber he replied to my comments and followed me and ugh I literally cried TT.TT

Then when Sunday school started again, I remembered I said hi to him one time and he waved anbud smiled and that was the happiest day ever.

But after a few weeks, I think the follow back was starting to get to my head. I don't know what went through my mind. I remeber I worte him a note. I totally forgot what it said but it wasn't a love note or anything. It was like just a random note. But I remeber giving that to him then a few days later, he unfollowed me. And that was the very first time I cried over a guy. And remeber, I was in 5th grade back then x.x

Then after the whole unfollow thing, I tried to say hi to him again and he just gave me a really scared look on his face and then he started backing away from me and kept saying hi until I left. Like wow... worst day ever...

But ever since then, I never talked to him and would just admire him by afar.

                                                  ~~~ PRESENT DAY 2014 ~~~

 

Okay well that was my whole history with James and stuff. So what I had thought was a small crush turned out to stretch into a 2 year ( Almost 3 year) crush. I still REALLY like him and ugh.. I would always talk about him and I would always like daydream about him. But he's like three years older than me. Which means hes in 10th grade while I'm in seventh. 

So this year I promised myself I would talk to him and maybe we would be friends.

Literally all my friends are like " OMG HE TOTALLY LIKES YOU." "YOU GUYS ARE TOTALLY GONNA GET MARRIED"

But I feel like they just pity me in some way. I feel like they just say that to make me happy.

I only see him like, once a week. SO I obviously have no chance. But everyne I know tells me not to give up and such.

But the problem is, I just get so nervous talking to him. Like everytime I see him my heart flutters and I get butterflies and my palms get all sweaty.

One of my friends actually said that I love him. But I'm too young for love, right?

Recently, as in last Sunday, my cousin made a bet that if I talked to him then she wouldd get me k-pop merchandise and food for Christmas. SO of course I agreed. I told everyone on how I was gonna talk to him and take a selfie with him but guess what? When Sunday came around, I couldn't do it. You know why? Because I chickened out, like ALWAYS !

So that Sunday, all my friends that go to my school and sunday school went up to me and kept trying to get me to talk to him. It was lunch time and his family was sitting about two tables away. But I kept making up excuses. 

Finally when lunch was over and the bell rang to go to Vietnamese class, my friend Amy had enough and she literally dragged me over near his table. My brother and cousin helped push me to him too.

So my friend amy and I made this HUGE commotion near his table.

He stood up about to go to class, when Amy screamed out his name. (They are friends kind of.)

She told him to come over, and to keep me from running away, she held me by the neck cx

I have no idea why but I made this disgusted face /.\

So Amy decided to talk to James. She was like, "Hey James! Say hi to my friedn Angela."

He was wiping his mouth with his hand but he said it. But apparently Amy didn't hear him so she was like " Say hi to her !!"

And then he was like " I already did o.o" So then he said hi again and it was just AMAZING.

But being the total loser I am, insteaad of actually saying hi, I just waved like an idiot because I was too nervous to talk to him. It was so embarrassing.  -ugly sobbing-

So then afterwards, my friedn Amy was like " You're Hopeless !!"

Then everyone started calling me wimp and loser and stuff cx

 

BUT THIS IS WHY I MADE THIS BLOG. I NEED ADVICE.

1. SHOULD I JUST GIVE UP?

because I know like 5 other girls that like him and its just ugh. 

2. HOW SHOULD I TALK TO HIM?

because he's one of those really quiet, cute, dorky boys and it's kind of hard starting a convo.

3. IS THIS REALLY LOVE?

I feel as if it really isn't love but everyone else I know says it is. Because even though I don't talk to him or I only see him once a week, just thinking about him just makes me soooo happy. Like it's hard to describe but like, everytime I think of him, there is this overwhelming feeling of joy and happiness. It's like a sick combination of like happy and sad.

4. SHOULD I TAKE A SELFIE WITH HIM? 

\(^v^)/ HE GOT A HAIRCUT AND HE LOOKS SOOO CUTE !!! <3

5. IS IT WEIRD FOR A TENTH GRADER TO DATE A SEVENTH GRADER?

I mean I know usually age doesn't matter but when you say it out loud, it sounds kind of stupid. I mean my grandpa and grandma were 17 years apart so 3 years is like nothing cx But when you say like ages out loud it sounds kind of stupid. I mean I shouldn't be dating and I probably won't date until high school but like I'm just asking out of curiosity.

 

thanks for reading to those who actually read it and i'm sorry if it is long. please tell me your opinions, advice and just comments about this. thank you so much and ily <3