(Personal post having nothing to do with Kpop or writing. You have been warned.)

Hey guys! Been a few weeks! How're you all? I'm, uh, not entirely great, as you can probably infer from the title of this post. Things are great here at college, my roommates are nice and classes no big deal, but... I guess there's one part of college that I have yet to get "used to." I have my doubts that I ever will. 

Friends. 

It shouldn't be all that weird, I mean I've had friends before. But here's the strange part. I met two guys about three weeks ago, and already they've become a HUGE part of my life. I've almost never connected with people that fast. So of course, it scares me. The last few years I've had friends, but friends that never intruded on my personal space, never forced themselves into my life. I could leave at any point and not feel too bad about it. Yeah, that sounds like a ty way to feel, but that's the way it was for me. And I liked it. 

Now it feels like my whole view of everything has been thrown into a blender and I don't quite know what to do. On one hand I desperately want to cling to these people I swear don't really need me by their side and on the other hand the mere thought of going back to the way things were terrifies me. There isn't a balance anymore between being alone and being with people, and choosing a side would cause me to somehow self destruct. 

I almost feel like I'm losing my identity, what made me me and now I don't know who I am. Am I still this independent person who could go months without talking to someone outside of her family or am I this girl who wants to spend every free minute with these two guys? To some people this might seem like an easy choice, but for the life of me I can't put my finger on who I am. It's confusing and scary and frustrating all tied together with a neat little bow. 

Writing all this out made me feel a smidgen better, so thanks to anyone who read this far :D 

Until next time,

Mickey (Turtleyperson)