Karma isn't something I believe in very much. In fact, I don't believe in a lot of things. I'm scared of a lot, I hide a lot. To be honest, I thought, maybe this life wasn't very kind to me. There was sometimes I wanted to give up. Leave everyone behind for the sake of my own sanity and be selfish. I know. I know it's stupid thinking about these things. To end one's life? That's not me. It really isn't. Main reason why my friend said he was disappointed in me.

It would have been so easy that day. After that fight. To just go into that tub filled with water and end it all. I stood there, staring at the endless amounts of water, filling up the once empty tub. I wondered if it would be quicker to slit my wrist first or just down in my sorrows. In the end, I chose to leave it. I unplugged the tub and left. I couldn't do it. I felt like I would have lost too much. Dying for no reason is stupid. Dying by choice is stupid. There are people who don't have that choice. So why am I so selfish to give it up when others out there can't? That day, I promised to live for those who can't and to never forget the people I have. I guess, I was scared. I was scared to see people cry because of me... but I was more afraid of something else. Whether or not they would cry... I didn't want to see the truth and I couldn't leave my siblings alone.

I love them so much. So much, it hurts. It hurts to leave them. That is why I can't. They are my everything and I will protect them from everyone who plans to hurt them. Even if it means to go against the people I m meant to love.

I admit, life's been hard. My results weren't the best. Me being me, I didn't tell any teachers about the hard times I was having during my first year of college. Of course it reflected on my results. Very soon I'm going to have to face those demons.

I've been very lucky these couple of years. A bit too lucky.

I've met amazing people here on AFF. I've managed to meet one of them and hopefully go to South Korean next year with another. They make me smile, every time I read their messages. They too are my family. I wish to protect them forever. I hope to see them smile everyday without any difficulties. Seeing my friends so happy and reading every word they send to me about their passion and love. You have no idea how happy i makes me feel. And for me to join in, I feel so blessed. I think what I really want to say, is thank you for everything. (I promise, I'm not dying or anything xD)

Ok! Less than a month go, I met this really great person. She was my boss at my work experience and we got along very well. She's round my mother's age and she looks after me very well.

She began to plan things for me in the future. Like going to her home country which is Malaysia and hoping to meet her mother. She began to say things like how she really wants a daughter like me. I think that was the biggest compliment for me. I guess, that's what I've always wanted. For someone to tell me I was a good daughter or they were happy I was their daughter. I didn't cry! I promise but I was very happy. I began opening up more than usual.

Yesterday, she asked me how I would feel to be adopted by her. She said she looked it up. How you have to be 18 and under to be adopted. She said luckily I'm not 18. She wants to adopt me and my siblings. She know's I can't live without them and she's willing to risk so much just so we're happy.

I think I've been blessed. I feel so happy. I don't know. I have so many amazing friends at school and AFF. Both my work bosses are amazing. It feels weird to be happy.

Some part of me doesn't think I deserve it xD I guess I'm just silly.

The main reason for this blog is that I wanted to thank you all. Thank you so much for being here for me. I know I haven't been the best friend but that you for being here. I love you all! <3