my dad just called me (not just now but half an hour ago) and told me that my grandfather (my mother's father) passed away earlier today while going to his car. he got a . the downside of living in a foreign country is that sometimes people change phone numbers without telling you and then you have no way of contacting them. so now i'm trying to find a someone's phone number-- my aunt's, my grandfather's girlfriend's, someone's phone number and ask them what's going on. but i can't. so i called my father's father and he'll try to contact my aunt's ex-husband and see if he knows something. so many things are happening at once and i don't know what to do because i'm 2500 km away from them with nothing. it's frustrating and sad. 

i just had to write this because i don't really know what to do right now. i've gone through this before, twice, but it never really gets easier. i have to keep myself occupied now. Stefan, my grandfather, was my favorite grandfather and i was even making plans visiting him next years because last year i couldn't and this year i couldn't even go back to my country because of school. and now i can't. i'm just thinking about how people make plans for days ahead, yet they don't know what will happen tomorrow. it's sad, but it's life.

can't call my dad and ask because me might get angry at me for calling him and telling my mom (i feel guilty for telling her, for some reason, but she deserves to know because he is her father), which might have not been a very smart idea, but sometimes people do things without thinking. 

anyway, yeah. just had to get that off my chest. sorry if i bothered anyone. 

update: we weren't really sure if stefan died, which is why i was trying to contact someone so desperately. i wasn't sure, neither was my mom, why dad got this information from. but i just got a call from my grandfather (my father's father) and he really did pass away. he fell, or something, i don't know exactly what happened. got a , probably, and fell. just got off the phone with my mom because she wanted to contact my aunt (her sister) but didn't know he number and asked me to ask around for it.

at this point i only hope for my mom to be okay. she lost her mother almost nine years ago and now her father, and they were both younger. not very much so, but not old, either (mother/grandmother 47, grandfather: 57). i just want my mom to be okay.

maybe i'm not as affected as i should be because i haven't seen my grandfather in almost 3 years, i don't know. i know that i was holding up pretty well, had everything under control, but then i had to tell by brother and i just broke down crying.

i'm okay now, though. 

update: just got off the phone with my mom, who talked with my aunt and she told me that my grandfather isn't dead. he's been found by his car in the morning and now he's in the hospital, but he's not responding (i think he's in a coma and he did get a ) and the doctors say that we shouldn't hope for much. he's been there (by his car, the whole night) for far too long and only a miracle can save him now. 

i'll do hope for a miracle, and pray that it happens.