Chaos. That one word could perfectly describe my feelings. My mind and heart were in chaos. Everything was out of proportion. Before, my life was laid-back and carefree. I couldn't careless about my surroundings. I'm minding my own business. My own problem. It was a typical problem of someone who was experiencing an indenial phase. Now, I accepted everything. I'm happy with who I am. I found my own happiness. The feeling that I finally found what I wanted. Not only for myself but also my career path. 

But this so called life was damn good at turning things upside down. My life was a total messed. I wanted to do something but I couldn't. Damn! This was hard. Life was a complex puzzle that you need to solve every freaking day. Anxiety, anguish, and longing filled my heart. Words were only my defense to this damn thing called life. I'm not a vocal type of person. I'm more of the girl in the movie Frozen. 'Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know'. I chose to put my emotion into words. I tried to hide everything. I had this tall facade that hiding who I really was. I settled for showing a happy and cheerful front. I didn't the people around me to see how fragile I am. My best friend thought I was strong. She was wrong. Wow! It rhymes. Ha-ha-ha. Maybe I'm optimistic. That was the reason why I looked strong.   

I wanted to cry but not in front of my mother. I felt weak and weary but I didn't want these emotions to overcome me. I wanted to be strong not only from the outside but also inside.

Dear Life,

When are you going to be good to me again? When will be the day that whimpers and tears wouldn't escape my eyes? When will I feel the happiness that you are taking away from me?

Love,

Your waiting person