I've been having a hard time staying awake in class. I have a problem sleeping too. I don't know what is up with me lately. SHINee, I hope you guys can hear me. Suddenly, I just need to see you and maybe, hopefully interact with you for real and be your friend. I'm just a fan, like others but others want to be your wife and girlfriend.

Sometimes, I just feel like I should just live my life somewhere.

I've been known to be a freak in school. A KPOP freak. People would sometimes, murmur and gossip how crazy I am with KPOP. I hate it, honestly. But I would just cover my feelings with a smile. My heart would ached and I will try to think of something to cheer me up.

Its like no one wants to hear me out. I may be talking all KPOP but its my way to let go of stress. I would always stare blankly at the ceiling every night before I sleep and think what have I done that my life has gone terribly wrong. I don't know, maybe its the workload I'm receiving. Maybe its just whatever that is happening around me. I take notice but....

I always sigh. I always do. I feel so ed up in life. I would feel like breaking down, or just hide myself in the room. I would end up writing fanfics to let myself go away from this world. I don't have a psychologial problem, its my way of doing things.

Yes, I'm always alone. The more I get into KPOP, the more I get lonely. People are just judging me because of my love for KPOP.

WHY?! My whole family will ignore me once I start with KPOP. Especially when I'm watching my favourite Korean variety shows or dramas. I feel kidnapped, captived and captured.

The reason why I would emersed myself with KPOP or SHINee, is because they always know how to cheer up my day. Their songs mean alot to me. Not only is the boys hot and handsome, they are honest, lively and positive. My love tank is always low, but eversince I found them, they filled it up.

oh my god, i feel like crying. I want to breakdown.Eottoke? Its been a long time since I feel like this. Argh I'm getting dizzy, but I'm still stable. There is a throbbing sensation in my head that is knocking me down. SHINee. I need ya.