Story Title: 6/10

The story has fourteen chapters and I asked myself if I actually had time to read it. I find the title quite cute, if I say so myself. Yet, I can't seem to see the relevance it has to your story plot. I can sense a little connection but it's not a huge part of the whole story. A title needs to be effective to an extent it does accurately portray the message and plot of the story. A title also needs to be able to portray the story plot well without giving away too much. Your title, in my opinion, is vague in a good way but I can't seem to understand it and I'm really sorry.

Appearance wise I have to say it is quite mediocre, the title isn't a turn-off but it isn't really a hook either. It’s a bit on the plain side, and it sounds like something that many people would use. Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you get your title from EXO's The Star? I kinda guessed that because when I first saw your title, I was quickly reminded of that song which happens to be one of my favourites. I don't think the title is eye-catching enough, and that is one of  the problems with naming a fanfic after a song. There are too many other fanfics with the same title and this will not help yours to stand out. Perhaps, you should come up with something more profound. You can try messing around with words, find something relating to the story yet not revealing the plot.

Foreword & Description: 11/15

Let's start with the description first, shall we? Your description is something safe as I'd like to call it. You pretty much summarized everything without giving away too much and that's good. It's not the best but it's fine to me. There are certain parts that caught my attention, so well done. There's one thing I'd like to talk about and that is your sentence construction. I don't know why but most of your sentences are really awkward to read, or maybe it's just me. Try to rewrite some parts in your description to make it more appealing and readable to the reader's eyes. You can ask your co-authors to help you or just ask for a beta-reader. I'm not sure if English is your first language but you do have a bit of wrong grammar from your description.

Original: Kris already has a girlfriend who he loves.

Correction: Kris already has a girlfriend whom he loves.

As you can see, a lot of people tend to get this mistaken. 'Who' vs. 'Whom'. I read a lot of fics where the author got these two words mixed up. Here's some explanation. From what I've studied, who should be used in the subject position in a sentence, while whom should be used in the object position, and also after a preposition. For example:

Who cooked this rice? (here, who is the subject of the sentence)

Whom do you think we should support? (here, whom is the object of support)

To whom do you wish to talk to? (here, whom is following the preposition to)

I hope you get the idea. I'm sorry if you don't understand what I'm trying to say. I'm really bad at explaining things, so forgive me.

Moving on to the foreword, I think everything's fine here. The only thing that needs a little touch-up is the sentence construction which I've mentioned before. The snippet you've given is nice, I have nothing to complain about. The only real problem I have with your overall description are your character descriptions where you introduced the three major characters and gave a brief outline of them. I feel that this is really unneeded as the details you gave under each character could have been introduced in the story rather than the foreword itself. It's fine if you're giving the readers and subscribers the important information, but never give away their personalities. Sometimes things should just be left hidden so that the readers can discover them themselves.

Characterization: 8/10

Here, I'll just talk about the three characters that seem dominant in my opinion, which are Kris, Hyuna and Lunia. I find that your characters are interesting, but they're not memorable or amusing to me. You developed your characters with dialogues instead of describing their actions and feelings. It's not wrong but it's not good either. Some readers might have a hard time grasping your characters and connect to them. I don't have a problem with it, though. I won't ask you change the way you write because you're probably comfortable with that style of writing. Different authors have different kinds of writing styles. It all depends on taste and preference so I won't say much.

Let's start off with Kris. Based on what you wrote, I think he's an idiot. I had neutral feelings for him. I didn't like Kris but at the same time I didn't hate him. I find his character irresponsible. He left Hyuna for 4 years without a good explanation and when he finally met her, he acted like nothing happened. Honestly, I wasn't satisfied with that. He even dared to stay the night with Hyuna and made out with her. That was absolutely unacceptable and unfair considering what he had done to the girl. Another thing is that he's currently having conflicts with his own feelings. He loves Lunia but at the same time he loves Hyuna. He might be irresponsible and stupid at some point, but I can still see that he's selfless. He left Hyuna for a reason and seeing how he kept the secret for so long, he must've have loved the girl very much. I can see that he has flaws which is good. I want to feel sorry for Kris, but he brought all the problems to himself and I really hope in the future chapters, he is able to make things right.     

As for Hyuna, I think she is quite a strong-minded person. She won’t take it when someone tries to hurt her, she stands up for herself against Kris and I really like this aspect of her. She acts all tough when she's broken on the inside and I think this is portrayed really well. Taking a revenge on Kris was a dirty trick but after what she had been through, it's understandable and realistic. I realized that Hyuna wasn't the girl that she used to be. When she was in Canada, I saw that she was very bright and cheerful. She was also friendly as she was able to befriend Kris in a split second. But after what happened, she became cold and passive that she can't seem to interact with anyone other than her brother and her best friends. She detaches herself from other people because she doesn't want her trust to be betrayed again like what Kris did to her. She might have changed, but I can still see bits of her old traits in her because that's her true personality which I find you did a good job of portraying. I like her character.

Now, it's Lunia's turn. Lunia is an insane person that I can't even think of her as 'normal'. She's really bubbly, like really really bubbly. I had a hard time understanding her because to me, her personality was hard to grasp. I'm starting to wonder why the EXO boys treasure her so much when she comes off as clingy and spoiled, which makes her unlikeable to me. She feels like a 'Mary-Sue' who lacks layers as a character. She feels really flat and plain, and she did come off as unrealistic at one point. I gotta say that it annoys me that Sehun likes her because I honestly think he deserves better. I hope you will try to improve her character as the story goes on because there's nothing to it. One thing that doesn't make sense is that she keeps calling Kris 'oppa' when she's actually Chinese and Kris is also Chinese. I don't see the point why she calls Kris 'oppa' when they're both Chinese.   

 Summary/Plot: 15/20

So far, the plot for the whole story is not the most original plot out there because I've read a few fanfics before with the same idea. But then again, I can't say much about it because your story is still on-going. What I have to say about your plot though is that it’s interesting, believe me. I really do like your plot. I know with plots many readers have their own preference of what makes up a good story but with yours it already has a decent plot. The only problem is the flow and I will talk about it later in the flow section. I won't talk about originality because that doesn't matter to me. We see cliché fics everyday. I've also written a lot of fanfics with cliché plots before. Cliché isn't always bad. If you know how to deal with it, your story will do great. One more thing, please avoid using symbols for your chapter titles. It just looks messy for some reasons.

Grammar/Spelling: 10/20

This is possibly the weakest section you’ve done in and you need to understand this so I’m going to explain it as clearly as possible. I don't know if English is your first language or not because you didn't specify, but I have to say that your grammar really distracted me. I'm not a Grammar Nazi, I'm not even a native English speaker to begin with. But there were a handful of grammar mistakes I found throughout the story, and most of them are the very basic ones. Here are few to name: tenses, punctuation, spacing, vocabulary and also some sentences that didn't make sense; I would understand what you were trying to say, but the way you strung your words together sounded really awkward or the words were simply incorrect. I suggest you type your story in Microsoft Word before publishing it on AFF because it's really helpful. Microsoft Word is every author's best friend, as I'd like to call it. I know it's sometimes tiring to copy and paste your writing because I used to feel that way before, but it helps to fix our grammar and such. I want to list some of your mistakes but you disabled text selection, so I think you can ask your co-authors to fix them for you.

Organization/Flow: 5/15

The flow of your story felt extremely rushed (to me at least). My advice: don’t rush things. Stop and explain. Some events felt rushed, like the flashback with T.O.P and the engagement between Kris and Lunia. The transitions from one event to another in a chapter was not subtle and that really bothered me. The overall flow wasn't terrible just try to slow things down a bit and add more descriptions, but not too much or otherwise it'll be boring. I didn't quite like the POV change because I feel like everything can be written with the third person omniscient POV without adding all the characters' POVs.

Structure: 8/15

There’s nothing embarrassing to point out so don’t be scared over reading this section. You did pretty well in this section but I'd like to talk about your paragraph structuring. You tend to collapse your paragraphs into one big paragraph when there are certain parts that need to be separated. It looks scattered and inconsistent. I suggest that you make them shorter; a lot of your paragraphs could be written one by one. I also don't quite like how you bolded the dialogues. Bolds are mainly used to emphasize things. In your case, you're using it for dialogues and there's no need for that, to be honest. Just stick to normal colour and format for the dialogues. No bolds or italics, unless you want to emphasize something.

Bonus: 2/5

The story is good in its own way. I can say that there are aspects in writing that I know you can improve on. Your readers seem to enjoy your story a lot, and I think that's the most important thing when it comes to a story. Your story is fun to read, I enjoyed it. The only problems are your grammar and flow, so try to fix that as soon as you can. You have two co-authors to help you so I don't think there will be a problem.

Total: 65/100

Notes:

Hi there wuyifan95! I know that you requested from muraskipandadreams to review your story but I had to take over it for some reasons. I'm really sorry this took so long. I had a problem with my computer a few days ago and I actually had to read your story one chapter a day because of my busy schedule. I hope I didn't come out too harsh and my review's helpful. I'm sorry if it didn't come out as you expected. I haven't been reviewing stories for months so I hope you understand the difficulties I had when I was working on your request. Hope you enjoy your review. Thanks for requesting!