I don't know how many times I've thought to myself and think 'why am I alive?' 'why was i even born?'.

my mum maybe sick and can not be cured.

i'm trying my hardest to look after her. if you haven't noticed!

why do always have to put me down? can't you thank me own because i'm doing my best to make her happy?

don't you understand that every word you say to me is like a knife being stabbed into me many times.

you don't know how many times i've stared at a knife and think how i should kill myself, end all these things happening around me.

you don't understand that music is the way to keep me from doing that.

you think i'm angry at mum, but i'm not. i'm your bloody daughter and it's about time you know i always look grumpy when i wake up.

WHO THE LOOKS HAPPY WHEN THEY JUST WOKE UP FROM THEIR NAP?! who? you tell me!

saying i'm a ing idiot when it comes to caring. WELL EXCUSE ME! i don't know how the to look after a person who has dementia. there's a whole load of ing things i don't know. do you really expect me to be some ing genius who knows every ing damn thing?

you drank, and your slightly drunk, you get annoyed so you decided to get pissy and naggy at me? then you go all lovey dovey with mum.

now that i think about it, you've only showed that side of you when I was a god damn baby!

i may be grown up now, but showing that you care for me, is it that hard? i don't think so.

i know you love me and you don't show it. WELL THAT'S THE ING SAME WITH ME!

can you not ing assume i hate mum? just because i bloody narrow my eyes at her, that doesn't mean i'm giving the expression i hate her! have you forgotten my eyesight isnt good and needs glasses? i can barely see whether she needs more food on her plate and do you expect me to hover over the damn table just to see? NO!

i really want to disappear right now.

run away or starve myself or just kill myself but if i do, my friends will be sad and my family too.

CAN'T YOU JUST STOP ASSUMING EVERY ING THING I DO? I ING LOVE MUM ALRIGHT!