Okay so I'm just going to ramble about what is going on inside this madness I call my brain in the hopes that by talking about it it will help in some way of getting rif of my writers block, because honestly I don't like that I am like this and I'm pretty sure those who have read and subscribed to my story are in agreement.

Issue 1: Baekhyun dating

The honest truth? I don't care who he is dating! What I don't like is the 180,000 assumed fans leaving because he is dating! I mean I think I would be devastated too if he was ya my bias but my bias already broke my heart (will get to that in a bit) so honestly the news of him dating whats her face (yeah I am terrible with names and I'm not gonna try and remember because I might say the wrong name but all that matters is I can at least spell his name now) it did kinda make me go "whoa...this isn't going to end well..." and turns out I was right! I hated that I was right! and trust me I am the type of person that loves being right and yes has to be right! So I sorta metaphorically was on the bench about the whole thing, I wasn't going to get involve and try to be the reasonable fan that I am known to be. I basically said "no, not gonna get involved." But it was hard considering everywhere I went it was about them dating and then bom! fans started to turn! it was absolute madness! We got people fighting each other, people crying over the news, people angry about the couple, and more importantly people were leaving! Seriously? WHAT THE HELL MAN! I'm still annoyed with that! I mean yeah granted I was one of the sad ones I was like "its just one thing after another, what else are you planning on sending our way?" Seriously 2014 was suppose be good for Exo but nooooooo!!! 

Honestly this whole situtation was just too much for me, I was just barely getting over Kris leaving so I did the only thing I could do in order to prevent myself from hating these guys and fellow fans, I walked away, declaring I would return once the dust had settled and everyone was not in hysterics. But now, even though I am not getting involved, it still makes me sad seeing them. But I'm in no state of mind to even be supportive right now, and that sorta makes things worst no? 

Issue 2: Kris, I mean Yi Fan

Oh-kay.....(*authors note: Warning, these are the words and thoughts of the author. Please do not take them seriously as she is just trying to vent her emotions in order get rid of the issues that are preventing her from writing her story...As you were gents)

You know what? This guy is a jerkface! There I said it! AHHHH! I would so love to hit this person! But I will refrain since that won't happen XDD But ya know what! This is all his fault! He broke my heart! Okay thats going a bit extreme but even so! Kris was ultimate bias! The reason I got into Exo in the first place! That face drew me in! I was like "OH MY GLOB! YOU! Your drop dead gorgeous! and your a complete dork! My prayers have been answered! I finally see a handsome guy who is also dorky! Thank you lord!" Seriously this guy was the best, he still is (but I'm still mad at him till I hear a legit reason for him leaving so abrubtly without so much as an explanation) 

I won't lie, when it was confirmed that he did in fact leave....I cried....all night....and honestly that was the first time in a long time that I cried over a guy. Last guy was my boyfriend of 3 years...and dude he broke my heart pretty bad.I honestly don't think I wanna be in a relationship anymore thanks to him. But onto Kris. So yeah I cried...and that was pretty lame. I hate crying. Crying in my eyes is me being weak in stupid. If i was smart i would of prevented myself from getting hurt ya know? That's how i precieve crying anyway, but yeah I don't like crying especially when its over a person. Also I rarely cry. So him leaving, it effected me. 

My heart broke even more when I saw the other members and how they were dealing with it, especially Exo-M and mostly Tao I cried because he was hurt by it. All and all the whole ordeal, it was horrible and it did test my loyalty, I was considering leaving the fandom because it was just too much for me. But after much reflection on myself, I just couldn't do that to the other members especially to Exo-M since they were my favorite out the group. So dispite him leaving, I stayed for the sake of the other members and also for myself. In my opinion I think this incident actually made the group stronger and I am so happy for that. Tao for example seems more mature and grown up to me, its amazing and Luhan seems to be stepping up taking the role of leader, and thats just all kinds of awesome!

Anyway, I was getting over it...and BOOM! pictures of Kris and the movie he is going to be in surfaced on the internet....here we go again! I wasn't sad this time... I was actually mad. Mad at him for just moving on like that! I was like "Did those two years mean nothing to you?! Did the friendships you made with the other members mean nothing?! How can you just move on like that!?" Yeah granted these are not rational thoughts but they were MY thoughts. I just felt like a stab in my chest was coming back again and it just made me angry. I tried to talk to people about what is going on in my head but they either don't know what I'm talking about or they...yeah don't know what i'm talking about.

My sister even suggested I choose someone else, like Kai since he seems more my type, and I was flabbergasted "When did I get a type???" 

Dispite him leaving the group, Kris is still my bias and I won't lie;  I am still hoping for that miracle that he does come back...I want him to come back...is that wrong? 

(If he doesn't come back...I take comfort in the fact I still have Chanyeol...that bias wrecker XDD)

Issue 3: Sehun changing his account name  and bio on Instigram

OOOOHHHHHH!!!
This was so bittersweet when I saw this. But I get where he is coming from. From what I have observed of the guy, he looks like the type of guy that doesn't beat around the bust (ha bush) and someone that gets to the point rather then stalling around and making excuses. Nor is he the type that likes to waste time on important stuff. He probably was waiting too for word that Kris was coming back but a month has gone by and he was probably like "he's not coming back." and moved on.  This also shows how mature Sehun is, but it's also a little sad that he dropped Kris like that. But like I said it's bittersweet. It was bound to happen. Doesn't change the fact that I do have mixed feelings about it though...even I can't tell you what I'm feeling.

As of right now my story "Closer" is on hold because I have recently had no motivation nor inpiration to write. I want to get the story moving! But i think that after venting I will be able to write. 

If you (reader) do read this, I would love it if you would give me your input on my situation. 

Thank you for hearing out my issues.