I know I should just it up and truly be happy for Baekhyun but at this point I still can’t. Probably still in the denial phase about the whole situation and I doubt I’ll get to that acceptance phase in a matter of days. Said days filled with a lot of moping around and convincing myself that this is his life and not mine, his choices not mine. Stupid for a mere fan to think like this, I can’t help it though, I’ve seen him grow since his predebut days. I saw him struggle all throughout the process and for me I’ve always thought that the love of his fans is what keeps him going. Plus the fact that they always say fans are what makes them EXO, makes me feel a little bit more special. Never would I have imagined that this day would come to be honest. He started out as a fanboy and now he’s got her, his ultimate dream. How wonderful would that be for him. I should be happy as a Baekhyun biased fan, to see your most beloved person go out with his most beloved person, no matter how you see it, it’s a win-win situation. Although that would be a half assed thing to say, that you support them when in fact you’re torn. I won’t go overboard as to bash them  though, it’s not in my place and in my personality to, I just can’t support them a hundred percent at this moment, can’t find it in me to genuinely be happy for them, for him. There’s still something in me that cringes at the thought. Maybe the selfishness in me had gotten over everything, thoughts like he’s always been the one in my eyes and now he’s dating, how inconsiderate is that. Stupid I know, but admit it, at one point we’ve all crossed the said thought. In the end it’s his happiness that counts, and when he’s happy of course you’re more than obliged to be happy for him. I hope I can find it in me to be a little bit more mature to accept the things beyond my control and continue to support him and his decisions no matter what, after all his decisions are what makes him Byun Baekhyun, my bias whom I have grown to love, ridiculous light dance and all.