I haven't really made it a secret (at least on my tumblr) that I have severe Major Depressive Disorder. This isn't just 'feeling sad' or not feeling right - this is something that can take days to months of my life where it's incredibly difficult for me to do daily tasks and yes, causes suicidial inclinations. (luckily, I haven't had any so far this time, but that can always change.)

That's what's going on with my brain at the moment - I'm currently dealing with a ton of in my homelife, and that caused a severe downturn in my mood over the last few days. I've been feeling very discouraged with my writing as of late, and what felt like the complete failure of the last chapter of mutant au was pretty much my breaking point. I put, on average, 2-3 hours of thought into world building and creating believable concepts and flaws and planning it out, and to feel like people weren't even interested in the entire story unless I was writing ? It's discouraging to say the least. I know I'm not that great, but I try and get better, and while yes, my stories do have , I try and show a normal, healthy, happy relationship between two people, along with consensual and safe practices. (The world has enough sadness and angst and drama, I don't need to contribute to that. I use fic as a means to escape the reality that I'm prone to random bouts of crying and my joints hurting and some days I just can't even get out of bed without feeling like I'm about to shatter - I don't want to be reminded of that reality when I'm trying to escape it. If you all want to enjoy angst, please do because that's your thing, but I am not in a mental or physical place to do so, and that influences my writing.)

As soon as I post this, I'm bringing my fics back out of draft status. Just because I'm feeling like doesn't mean I should take it out on all of you. Sorry that it happened, and I promise I don't bite (hard, and not unless asked) if you guys are concerned about English or whatever, just post a message in a language you are comfortable in - I know how to use google translate, yo. It doesn't bother me, and I honestly go into peals of laughter when English fails and friends start fangirling in their native language, because it's absolutely adorable. If concepts puzzle you, let me know, I can usually explain them in a better fashion. (I'm trying to get my TEOSL cert, please give me the practice.) And yes, I can get annoyed when people are missing points and are blatantly displaying problematic behavior, especially in the comments, but for the most part, I enjoy comments and honest critique.

So that's what happened and why my fics suddenly disappeared and why they're suddenly back.