Division.

my life is painfully divided.

between what I should do, and what I want to do.
because my heart truthfully desires to regain strength, rest what a million nights of inevitable insomnia took away from my worn out self. but my sad destiny forces me to give up my soulful desire, and continue to stuff my swollen head with knowledge that will eventually disipate into the darkness of nothingness. sadly, it is what i should do.

my life is painfully divided.

between my self-esteem and other's perception of me.
because no matter how many times I try to live up to my peer's expectations of me, the lingering feeling of not being enough, leaves a bitter trail on every small victory. yet the kind souls around me, my dearest caretakers, believe that I can touch the bright sky with the tip of my fingers in a single, efortless jump, while i feel like the soles of my feet are helplessly tied to the ground.

my life is painfully divided.

between deception and pride.
because even though i have given up on a thousand hours of glorious sleep, to at least fill up that void of small self-esteem with satisfaction, my own body betrays me, as an ironic way of telling me that giving up on the most important things, is not the smartest decision. but there's always that one ray of sunlight, that shines through the cold glass windows of my soul, that fills up that void almost entirely for just a few seconds. it is that heavenly feeling of being able to put beautifully on a few lines of paper, my soul's greatest worries.

my life is painfully divided.

between being outgoing and timid.
because the people closest to my heart know for a fact, that my soul enjoys being around other souls. the joy that runs through my body when it realizes every now and then that it has friends and people that love it, is indescribable. but new beings frighten it, sometimes to the extent of stupifying it in the most miserable way, and traces of that joyful self that can find content in anybody's words, are nowhere to be found. and it all goes back, to that horrifying, hollow, void inside my chest, that convinces me on a daily basis, that i'm a small insect under a microscope.

my life is painfully divided, and no matter how many years go by, i shall try to fight every single one of those divisions, and find the peaceful harmony my contradictory heart, wants the most in this world.

***

Hey there :) wrote this on Friday as a form of catharsis. I used to have a teacher in 6th grade that encouraged me to keep writing, and as a way of practicing, she recomended me to write something everytime I felt bad or whenever I had something big on my mind. I'd forgotten about that advice, until on Friday it seemed like I really needed to vent out. I honestly advice anyone thinking of becoming a writer like myself, to go ahead and do this as much as possible. It's a great way of practicing and it makes you feel so much better, no matter how bad you feel.

Sorry if there's any mistakes! I really didn't feel like editing it, since this right here has my feelings completely raw, for I wrote it without stopping or thinking.

Thank you, if you actually read it, lol. And expect an update for The Skin Game of Life somewhere between today and tomorrow. Yay for mid-year vacations!!!

-Taemaximum