Black Wolf Teaser

So hi guys heres a teaser of my new story "Black Wolf"

Give me your thoughts about how the description and foreward is

Well here we go

Title: Black Wolf

Tag: , jotwins, boyfriend

Rated-M

Description: YoungMin just a normal highschool private student who just wanted to live a normal life especially finding that special someone, like a girlfriend. Unfortunately for YoungMin his life take a turn to change, when one day he is attack by a demon, but it gets more complicated when his childhood friend "KwangMin" save YoungMin but to discover that he is going to be KwangMin bride of his demon wolf clan.That it soon gets more complicated in YoungMin life between the human and demons. Now with YoungMin being a target and ending up with wounds while KwangMin goes ual to healing YoungMin with it with his tongue, that with making it complication, when their love start to get deeper in their love but only in a matter of time before a claming question. Will YoungMin become the demon wolf leader clan bride to keep balance and peace in life or will all hell shall break lose. It's just depend with time w/ the love YoungMin and KwangMin start to have. But with that happen dark secret that KwangMin hold shall also too be reveal with truth to YoungMin.

Foreward: [So there is no confusion this like a mix flashback with YoungMin childhood memory and then meeting KwangMin in the present]

[Childhood Flashback memory]

[Young YoungMin Crying]

"There, there don't cry..." a young boy in a black robe

[Present]

...it can't be... YoungMin thought seeing the cute young man in the garden picking roses

...

"I will return for you and we shall be together, forever" smiled the young boy both looking at each othrer with their similar face

"Hello YoungMin" said the same boy with the same black robe spotting YoungMin stunning him "How does he know my name?!"

...

"I will come back for you" said the young boy, making young YoungMin stop crying "You promise?" young YoungMin ask

'...my name is KwangMin, it's been a long time, that now it can finally happen" giving the same smile, making YoungMin froze

...

"I promise, and you shall be..." "Hey is someone there" someone called out making the boy vanish [YoungMin Flashback end]

"What can happen?" YoungMin looked at his friend curiously

"For you to be my bride" KwangMin answer both looking at each other

"Be your..." YoungMin thought looking surprised at KwangMin "Bride?"

So yeah give me your feedback on how this teaser was

Thank you for your support

I will write it later after reading some comments.

-jexotic97

Comments

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youngkwanghyunjo #1 Sep 2, 2015 09:55:51

can you please update this? please!!!!!

LaurelYoonie #2 Jun 7, 2014 16:56:00

It sounds like one of those dramas where someone keeps a secret, in other words, sounding badass in cool. You may continue the story, JK, take your time

jongwoobaekdaekyu #3 Jun 7, 2014 12:25:08

Interesting..keep on going ^^

Kitty_Min #4 Jun 7, 2014 05:59:02

I liiike iit~~
Thehehee ~~ looking forward for your Updates ~~ :3

love_me_love_kpop #5 Jun 7, 2014 05:05:17

One, been there read that. I've read this plot many times in fanfics, stories, and even mangas. It's a very overused plot where the main character meets someone who promises to protect, or marry, or whatever and is part of a clan, heir to a family of demons, etc. Two, you have way too much away with your teaser. Shorten it. With the extra little bit with actual dialogue should not be put in your teaser. If you had a short teaser, you wouldn't need that. You may also want to read it out loud and edit some things.

I hope I didn't come off as y.... :-/ When it comes to critiquing, I don't really "sugar coat" anything. I feel like if things are sugar coated, the receiver won't get as much out of it and won't see what they really need to help them progress more. And plus, you asked for a critique and the probability that I just happened to stumble upon it because I'm a "friend" is very high. Anyway, I'm getting technical which is very annoying to some.

I hope I could help you.

Ilovekpop #6 Jun 7, 2014 03:30:15

This is awesome...

VEloneY #7 Jun 7, 2014 02:30:45

does it have anything to do with "black bird" manga?

BlissfulSinner #8 Jun 7, 2014 02:04:11

Do you want a beta-reader? :3

PinkFlames24KPop #9 Jun 7, 2014 02:00:36

I'd read it but just to say it, there are some spelling mistakes but I would read it nevertheles.
The idea with the child hood friends is really good and it's interesting that they aren't twins in it. You can do it like that ^^