I'm Afraid

This is my first time posting a blog. I just feel like I should get this off my chest.

 

I'm turning twenty on the 16th. It's going to be a year that I haven't been to school. It's not because I didn't get in or anything like that but I was afraid. I still am. I'm so ing afraid of going to college. I don't want to fail. I don't want to be a failure again.

My sister, she's 17, and she is, I guess, the  better child. She did what I didn't do. She graduated on time, I didn't. She is going to walk on stage, I didn't. She is going straight to college, I didn't. It never bothered me, well, rarely. It just pisses me off so damn much when she belittles me. Like today, she called me a bum and I got upset because I have a ing job. I can provide for myself, but she said, "working in a dry cleaners isn't a job." Yeah I've been there for two years but I love my job. My boss is the nicest one I have ever had. It's a well paying job that gives me what I need. 

, sorry I'm doing everything in my pace.

It pisses me off. It hurts so much. I don't want to cry over something ridiculous but it ing hurts.

I mean, my dad offered to buy her a new ing car as a graduation gift, but what did I get? Nothing. I got nothing. I graduated late but atleast I got my ing diploma. It's stupid.

And since she's going to college I'm getting pressured to go and I'm so damn tired of being put down but I'm so ing afraid of going to college. I want to prove them all wrong. I want to be higher than them.  But I'm so ing scared of failing. I'm afraid that I'll fall before proving them wrong. I'm afraid. I'm so afraid of ing up. I can't even take a step forward because the failure is keeping me in place. It's like I'm afraid to open the door. 

 

I'm simply afraid.

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kira13891 #1
My dear *bear hug* I feel you. I was afraid to leave college because I thought It was what I had to do, I had to get a college degree to find my way in life BUT! I was wrong.
To find your way in live is to find what makes you be happy and take care of yourself and be independent. You got it already, why worry about college? Maybe studying is not something for you, not because you're not capable but just because you don't like it.
It's ok to be scared, but don't allow your fear to keep you from doing what you want to do in life.

First, forget about your mean sister, forget about your parents and focus on what you want: 'I want a change in my life, I want to keep my job and I am happy with that much, I want to become a doctor, I want to be an actress, I want to be a fire fighter.... In this life, you can be WHATEVER YOU WANT TO, YOU! And not what your parents expect from you.
Your sister? Puaf, let me laugh at her face, she's 17yo and she knows nothing about life. I left Tourism degree and went into Professional Formation (another kind of degree) to become a tour guide and you know what is my grade average on my 1st year? 9 out of 10. When you like what you do, you put all your passion on it and grow up as a person.

Just find your way to YOUR HAPPINESS not others' :) ♥
Fankirmee #2
Maybe you should contemplate moving away... I know it sounds like a huge step but maybe getting away from your family and the places where you think you failed will help. A new start will help, I'm sure :)
F5reverEunHae #3
Why are you afraid? I mean not going to college doesn't mean you can't be successful in life. But going to college might open more opportunity. Of course it's up to you to choose. As long as you are happy, no one can tell you your choice is wrong...
Wonachan #4
What kind of sister is that? Don't mind her, just do your thing.
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