As what this blog says, I need to let this out. Sorry but I don't know what to do with my feelings. About 2 years ago I fell? in love with someone and unfortunately I confessed to him and now he knows my feelings towards him. Time went by and I fell for him more and I started to assume things which only results to me being hurt. I thought that somehow he can return the same the feeling but I was wrong again making my heart shatter into pieces since he's the type of guy who treats girls the same.

It hurts to accept that he won't accept my feelings and return it the way I like it to be, I tried to forget him and somehow I successfully managed to do it. I tried not spending too much time with him, not talking to him and I tried to ignore him too. Around 3-4 months ago I was sure that I won't have feelings for him again so we talked again and hooray for me since I'm not falling for him again. I think I became matured so I don't give meanings to his actions, unlike 2 years ago that I feel my heart flutter whenever he treats me nicely and him being a gentleman.

But I was wrong again, days passed by and I had the opportunity to help in organizing our camp, which means that we'll see each other almost everyday. During those time it was really okay for me and I don't mind being around him. He once came in our house since we need to do something and there I was running around the house so I can prepare and I was nervous being around him. There was a time that only the two of us were left and so we talked and talked until we talked about the future, we share our thoughts about what we want after we graduate then he says that he likes kids so much, but during that time I was normal but somehow my heart skipped a beat. For the past few days he ruined my mood with just the fact that he let his photographer friend, which happens to be a girl, be there at our event, so maybe I was jealous and all. I told myself that maybe I'm starting to have feelings for hime again, I just let it be and smile whenever I see him especially when he is playing the piano. Lately we're being close again and all and somehow I started to fall for him again, sometimes we argue like a couple and all. I told my friend that my feelings are starting to appear again and he told me to just stop what I'm feeling since I have no chance, he told me that there was a time that he wants to talk to me and clear everything out, that he don't return the same feeling for me that he don't like me and that statement crashed me down, I mean I can't imagine myself digesting what he wants to say personally, I don't know how to react if that happens so I'm thankful for my friend saying that he shoudn't do it since he thinks that I have no more feelings for my crush so then my crush didn't do it. My friend's advice was to just stop since I have no chance as in zero chance.

Right now it really hurts, I am emotionally hurt now. What's wrong with me? Why can't he return the same feeling? I thought that hanging with some of our guy friends will make him jealous since sometimes I think he's looking but maybe I just assumed that. Am I not that good for him? Actually my friend just told me that now, around 10 pm so right now it's still fresh and it hurts. I don't know what to think, I hate the fact that he treats girls just the same and I hate myself for assuming that he's like that just for me. I want to prove to him and make him regret that he didn't return the same feeling, just watch out. 

Maybe now, if ever we'll see each other again, which happens to be this coming Saturday, I won't spend too much time with him again and try my best to ignore him but I will try to make him feel that I'm not ignoring him. I'll do that for myself, I don't want to fall for him again and hurt myself all over again. It's really painful.My heart really hurts now. Always gonna be a one-sided love, it will never be what I want it to be like, it'll just stay as a one-sided love no more no less. Why did I fell for him? It just gave me pain. 

It was a relief that I somehow let my feelings out here. I hope I'll be okay. I can move on. I can do this.