Well yeah, like the tittle say I'm about to tell you the story of my love life, this aint a fanfic, this is real. I'm currently facing this now.

Let's start 

So you know, I've been in love with this particular boy, let's name it "T" since I was in 6th grade of elementary. It's been 4 years now, because I'm now on the 1st grade of highschool. This love.. *sigh* it's just too much. 

This all begin when I was assigned to be his desk partner. At first, I thought that this boy was a dork, he's such a troll. But day by day, my thoughts are slowly changing, because I went through a lot with him. we talked, we laughed, we shared about eachother's interest, and we taught eachother patiently, such a happy days *sigh again* 

When we were not desk partners anymore, I realized my feelings. The quote about how we realized something important after it's gone is true afterall. Well yeah I'm still happy because even after that I still talked with him a lot. But everything changed when his bestfriend have a crush on me. T helped him to get closer with me, T is so freaking dense to the point of he cannot see the hurt in my eyes when he tried to play cupid. Of course, I rejected that boy (his bestfriend) and the year finally came to an end. 

I'm finally a middle school student, (I'm still in the same school as T because my school have all elementary school until high school)

In my first year, I still talked to T a lot, we also exchanged texts (even If I'm the one who started it first, I know, I'm patethic.) and If I didn't greet him first he will greet me, whether it was texts or in the real life. I'm still happy, it's enough even If we didn't have the same class and our time with eachother became shorter.

In my second year, I didn't have the same class as him again *exhale*. We gradually have a distance with eachother. We didn't exchange text anylonger nor did we say hello to each other. We played the I-don't-know-you-we're-stranger kinda game, I struggled and felt hurt a few times but I'ts okay. Then, someday I heard my friends telling me that 'T' have a crush at me, he liked me. You cannot imagine how did I felt when he said that, I was in cloud nine. But nothing that I expected happened that year.

In my third year, God finally gave me a chance to be in the same class as him. But he was not the same 'T' that I knew back then, he changed. He became more colder and harsher towards me and only me, only God knows why. I'm a stubborn girl and I decided to fight for him, so I started to talk to him a lot, even if his response were cold. We became closer (I think?) but not as close as before. Graduation was approaching and I decided to moved to another school, away for him. So that's why I was determined that when graduation comes I will confess my feelings to him. I dressed up prettily and preapared my courage. But.. the graduation day was also the day that I noticed that he's in love with someone else. I'm not being dellusional but I just can see it, the way he look, talk, and laugh with her is so freaking different, he doesn't talk to girls a lot but he was so close with this girl. This girl is so much smarter, prettier, and I don't know I cannot even compare myself to her... In the end, I lost my courage and didn't even have a proper goodbye with him. That night I cried a lot without even doing anything, I'm such a coward *dig a hole and hide*

Now, I'm on my 1st year of highschool. 

I'm all fired up,  I have to move on from him. I have to stop loving him. And I have to love someone else, a new guy that will love me *Is that even possible?* Anyway, I started my year full of hopes but when there's a guy who was interested in me I just can't bring myself to say 'yes', I was still in love with T so so much to the point that I can't seem to like this guy. I don't understand myself anymore, when I was finally away from him why can't I forget him? strange enough, my love for him keep growing.

I found out recently that he was making a move on this new girl in school and ironically, she has the same name as me. Just... how evil is fate is? I kept crying wailing and sobbing every updates he post about him and this new girl. Everyday I cried myself to sleep, huuh such a dummy girl. My friends telling me that he was not worth it, forget him and such but I can't. I just can't. 

And a new guy came in life, a really good guy. He's my sunbae, I admired him because he is indeed handsome like his other fangirls said. Recently,he actually talked to me about silly matters and my heart finally beat for someone else other than T. He said 'happy birthday' to me (which T didn't even say), he made me laugh, and he brighten up my days.

I thought that I started to forget about T and finally, found a new love. But yesterday when I looked at my old chats with T, I cried again. I realized that I actually miss him and I still really really love him. 

I'm hopeless right? 

thanks for reading my long story *bows*