Okay, so hopelesswriter organized something and i can only take part in the last one, since i have nothing else to  share for the first to third one. The last one is to do a write-up on ZE:A, why you love them and such. I have always wanted to tell people this, tho no one cared to bother. I might get carried away, and they might not be related to ZE:A at all. But whatever. This is basically a journey through my life.

If i say ZE:A changed my life, for better or for worst, would you believe me ? if i say if it weren't for them, i wouldn't be half the person i am right now ? If i say that should i have never discovered them i'd be an entirely different person ? Would you believe me ?

Back in primary school, i was a naive and innocent brat. A weird combination, but its true. I was naive and innocent in the sense that i know nothing of songs, celebrities, dramas, internet, the happenings of the world, social network etc. I would only watch cartoons and movies like Superman, Finding Nemo and stuff. Nothing serious. And i rarely go out. I spent most of my time reading or watching TV. By the time i was 9 i'd finish two different sets of encyclopedia, and by the time i was 11 i was already reading books like Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice, Great Expectations, etc. My dad had great influence. We had a mini library right here. He loved war history, and when i found interest in mythology, he drilled Troy in my head (i have The Iliad and The Odyssey in my room, honest). My parents protected me well. A little too well. I'd be left out every time my friends talk about shows, songs, facebook... I was a brat because i thought i was always right, and i always had to get my way in everything. When people left me out (which was a lot) id get angry but just follow them grudgingly.

In secondary school, i became a in my mannerism. i met 3 new friends, and still was a . they didnt seem to mind, since they were so nice, at least i thought they were. One of them, who is like the leader (since everyone followed her around) introduced me to kpop. of all the groups she introduced to me, i got interested in some, tho i quickly got bored of them. one of them got my attention tho. ZE:A. she didnt know much about them, since she's a casual fan to all but loyal to none.she helped me download their songs and pics, coz i was so tech blind i dont even know how to use google. bit by bit i learned how to use internet, simple things like googling and youtube. but then, one day, she suddenly started ignoring me. not only her, but the other 2 as well. it wasnt even complete ignoring, everytime we saw each other theyd make faces filled with hatred. i was wondering what did i do wrong. i started self harming around then. i started reflecting all my past behaviours, started blaming myself for everything, started to question everyone around me, started to loath myself. self harming and crying every night became a habit. by that time id learned how to use the computer on my own, and i searched ZE:A a lot. they were kinda like the thing that made me genuinely happy, made me forget the sadness a little. i tried apologizing to them of course, tho i dont know the reason for apologizing., i only lasted being an ignorant for a week. but they still ignored me. i spent my holidays drowning my sorrows in ZE:A and books and tv. 

the next year, i was much better. id come to terms slightly with it, and all that time on the internet made me think by myself and to start thinking of others and try to be independant and considerate. especially after noticing all these mean comments on ZE:A videos, i learned, to think of others feelings, that i am not the only one that matters just coz my grades are better. also, while searching ZE:A i found aff, and my love for writing and stories. ZE:A made me think by myself, and not to just blindly follow others until youve lost sight of your own happiness, and they also taught me that even if my grades are good, my report cards are good, when i go to real life it doesn't matter very much because luck and people's perspectives also matters.

my friends acted normally towards me again, tho the damage has been done. they said its all in the past, and that they don't even remember why we were fighting. by that time 2 of them were in a different class and only 1 was the same class as me. one day, when the subject teacher was absent, several of my friends including me and her were chatting. i mentioned last year's "fight" and she finally admitted. she said one of them, im just gonna call her T, proposed a bet. they'd ignore and ostrasize me and if the y me apologize first, they won. if i didnt, they lost. so i guess they won. what betrayal. being betted around by people you call "friends" like a bunch of poker chips.

although i realize that T did me some good, it didnt change the fact that im still struggling to stop self harming, to stop loathing myself, that i will never view anyone the same again. but hey, at least T and ZE:A gave me some life lessons eh ? just imagine if id kept around those big groups. id think my oppar is better than anyone elses just because my oppars mv got more views, or oppar won a trophy. then id think im better than other people just coz my grades are better, my parents are richer, im prettier, bla bla bla...

they thought me to  be humble.