This is just yet another rambling post about me and my life. Apologies because it will most likely end up sounding a bit dull and rant-ish by the time I finish.

My thoughts were too cluttered today, and I need to release them somehow. I started off by writing a small paragraph in my paper journal - but quickly decided that I'd much prefer to type. And, without further ado, the rant begins now:

I am going to a boarding school next year.

It's been at least a month since the official paperwork was sent in; so it may seem a bit odd that I'm writing the blog post now. However, I decided to type it up because, today, I finally worked up enough courage to spread the news to all of my friends at school. Thoughts regarding next year were crammed in the corners of my mind for a while now; but, after telling my friends, I suppose you could say that they overflowed to the point where I needed to get them all out (hence i'm writing this right now). Needless to say, all of my friends were devastated to hear that I'd be leaving this town behind. After growing up in the same place with the same people since kindergarten, I wasn't surprised by the reaction; in fact, it's what I'd anticipated. When you have someone around, you just assume that they'll be there forever. And, when they leave, that's when the shock hits you: you either realize how much they meant to you - or you just forget and move on. I personally think all of my friends will move on from me. Don't get me wrong - we all have some wonderful memories together - but if I've accepted that I'll be leaving them, they'll get over it as well, no?

Anyways, their reaction still placed a heavy amount of weight on my shoulders. I was guilted for keeping it a secret for so long, leading them on by filling out my course sheet, and not even trying to drop hints (which are all true and i take resposnsilblty for). Once the disappointment finally died down, though curiosity took over. Mostly everyone became excited for me, and asked as many questions as they could generate. (Especially my friend who's obsessed with Zoey 101) The reason that I still feel guilty despite their support, however - and the reason that I'm writing this blog post - is that everyone kept asking me the same question: Why are you going?

I didn't know how to respond, honestly. The hardest part of being me is attempting to put my thoughts into words. For some reason, I can type what I'm thinking relatively easily; but when it comes to talking? I'm the most awkward, shy little thing in the world.

***cue the sidestory*** Today, I was talking to my friend during class when I wasn't supposed to. My English teacher, of course, noticed right away - and stopped the lesson to single me out, "Christine, stop talking to Julia while I'm giving instructions." Immediately, this boy in the front of the room turned his blonde head towards me and stage-whispered, "What? Christine talked?" while ing a pointer finger in my direction. A pretty girl who sits next to him added on, "Yeah, Christine said something?" as if it was the most absurd thing in the world. Everyone laughed, while I just sat there like a statue - unsure of how to feel. I guess I never really thought others saw me that way.

Anyhow, after giving it much thought and consideration, I finally discovered the reason that I needed to go to boarding school. I've been telling all of my friends that it's because the high school where we live is too overwhelming, and I wanted to go somewhere smaller that I'd have an easier time socially (because they all know how shy i can be). But, that's only partially true. The truthful reason that I felt the need to leave home and move to a boarding school was entirely different.

gyp•sy soul: noun. Someone who posesses a gypsy soul is a person always in need of adventure and/or change. They can never be satisfied exactly where they are for very long. They are never sure exactly what they want out of life, but are determined to try and find out.

Earlier this year, my dad sat me and my brother down at the table and said to us, "We might be moving this year." My brother groaned and whined, saying how he had all of his friends here and he loved his life the way it was, etc. I, on the other hand, just started to smile like an idiot. (we didn't end up moving, though) Change is something that I always want out of life; in fact, I believe that we all need it. All of us are wandering around aimlessly, following the guidelines of our parents and our society before going out on our own to discover exactly where we belong. And, if we're lucky, we might just find that place. I suppose that the only real difference between those who have a gypsy soul (like myself) and those who prefer to stay where they are is that people like me are more restless and rushed to find our place - if change doesn't come to us, we have to make it for ourselves. We're impulsive and reckless, in a way.

That's exactly why I needed to get away from this place.

When I grow old, I don't want to say that I spent my whole childhood in one place. Rather, I'd like to say that I wandered away from my boundaries, went to boarding school, made lots of friends, and experienced life independently. My dream is to travel the world - to physically search for my purpose as a human being - and wake up one day being able to say "I'm satisfied where I am." Because, if I spoke those words right now, it would be a lie.

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Did any of that make sense? I don't even know what I just wrote. The first sentence was typed; and then my fingers were flying across the keyboard - trying their hardest to keep up with my racing thoughts. That's always what happens when I start to ramble orz.

Anyways, don't take anything I said here too seriously. This is just another of those posts that I'll type up and delete in a months' time anyways ahaha.