I wanted to speak out through blogs about my family problems. Technically, it's about my dad. 

It's just that, he changed! When I was still a kid, he was always there when I cried. He comforted me when I cried when my mother scolds me. He bought me a Photoshop cs6 as my graduation gift (but it had a virus). He was the one who took care of me when I was suffering dengue back then at 2nd Grade because my mother had to work and my sister had to go to school, he works for 15 days and rests for 15 days, too. 

So... throughout my childhood days, he was there for me, and my sister. At times when I had difficuties, he was always there for me, But now that I'm in 7th Grade... he changed. 

He suddenly became rude to me, my sister and my mother. Since on wednesday, its the feast in our place, my parents and us are busy in preparing for the tents, plates, glasses, and we even have a pig! During our feasts, there will always be tents in our place (not like a camping tents! Like these ) 

And we place the tables and chairs under it, and we're gonna kill the pig (yeah Ik, it hurts :'( ) and fry it. Its called "Lechon Baboy" Baboy means Pig in our language, it is influenced by the spanish people.

So I asked him a while ago when will the tent arrive because its almost 28 and the tent is still not here. I asked him and he replied rudely, "I don't know, why? do you want to dance under that tent?" (I know it doesn't sound rude, but in our language, its really really rude) 

"wala ko kahibaw, ngano man? gusto ka mu sayaw-sayaw dinha?" 
 

Like seriously, wtf!! I just asked him when will the tent arrive, and then he suddenly insults my hobbies? It hurts you know! From the past few days, he's been seriously rude to us! My sister almost cried once because of him! And I cried just a moment ago... I told my mother about his actions lately because I've been feeling that he doesn't love me anymore. 

He only sees me as a mere human, not as his daughter. I told my mother about it and she does agree that he's acting strange, she just told me to understand him that my grandparents fought and he had to stop them. I know that, its just that when he used to scold me, I just stay quiet and I understood that he scolded me, but right now ... there's no ing particular reason why he scolded me. 

I know you guys knew that I really love dancing right? I told you guys about it, already. I told you guys that being a kpop star is one of my goals in life. I also cried because of this reason: He told me once when I was dancing in their bedroom

(practically because they have a huge mirror and I can really see my dance moves.)

He suddenly told me, "Stop dancing already! You're not good in dancing" 

Then it hit me, like a wave. It hurts you know! How am I supposed to improve my dancing skills when I practically can't dance well with an occupied area? How am I supposed to correct my dance moves when I can't see them clearly? How am I supposed to improve my skills when I can't practice that well without a huge mirror in front of me? 

How?! 

I know that dancers can relate to this. When someone tells you that its not your talent, you're gonna cry right? Its like crushing your dreams! Crushing your happiness! 

Its like he doesn't want me to do what makes me happy! I love to dance, why can't he just let me? Does it hurt that much to just let me go at least for a second? Its like he's against in everything I do. 

I just really really want to become a kpop idol, my mother and sister are supporting me, but my father? You know the answer. My sister supports my dream she told me to show it to his face when I become an idol. Why doesn't he want me to become something i want to be when I grow up? 

He told me once that I can be whoever I want as long as I'll study well. And this year, its a fresh start and I wanted to try really hard and become at least one of the Top 5. But why is he against this? Doesn't he believe in me? Its like he doesn't care about me anymore but still cares what will I become when I grow up ? Why can't he just accept it? 

I know there's a 10% chance of me becoming an idol, but can't I try to reach it, at least? 

Why is he suddenly changing? He's nothing like the old pops I used to hug and kissed on the cheek, he's not the one who used take care of me. 

When I was still a kid, I knew already that he was a hot-tempered person, but I convinced myself that he's scolding me because he loves me, but the way he scolds me now is different. As if he was really mad at me. 

He even scolded me right after I cried, telling me how small things is really a big thing for me. Why can't he see it? Is it because he thought I was a strong girl? No, I'm not. There's a post in facebook that really shocked me. 

"Sagittarius (my horoscope) people usually act tough in the outside, but they are really sensitive in the inside. They don't want people to see them crying because they don't want them to pity them" 

And its true! Whenever my mom and dad would scold me, I control my tears and become silent. When I got to sleep, I cry all by myself, carrying the burden alone. I don't want them to pity me, I want them to see me as a tough girl. But he really took it up to the level where he can say whatever he wants to me, even though it offenses me. 

Why is he suddenly doing this to us? Why is he suddenly ignoring our feelings? He thinks that he's the only one with feelings?

My mother almost cried in her office when we visited her, because of his manners. 

I'm a human, too! I have feelings, too! Why can't he just control his temper? I know I'm a hot-tempered girl, too. I'm trying my best these days to control them so that I won't offend someone else's feelings, why can't he do it? He's older than me, heck, he's almost 60! If I can do it, why can't he? 

Its just that.... I miss his old self. He used to smile in front of me, but these days... he keeps showing us his annoyed face and his rude voice. Can't he bring back his old self? Is something strange going on?