"Do you want to suicide?" He asks her with low and deep voice. He plays with the book, opens it page by page, doesn’t even stare at her.

 

"Hah?" Much to her surprise, she doesn’t expect those words come from his mouth.

 

"No. Hey, why do you come up with that conclusion?!" She laughs, wondering by his thought. She just talked about suicide, then he assumed she will do it. What a nonsense!

 

"I’m just asking! It’s not even a conclusion!" He denies quickly, almost shout. This time, he dares to see her face, eye to eye.

 

Still chuckles, she sets her eyes on him. He doesn’t say any single words, but she knows that he worries at her, as a friend. That intense glance, she can’t be wrong.

 

She smiles weakly. “When I told you about suicide, it’s all about those people out of there. The outsiders, not me. I want to look from my point of view, and I won’t commit a suicide.” She bolds her last words with her commitment.

 

They sigh, with their head down, busy with their own thoughts. She takes a peek of him, small smile plastered on her face, because she knows one thing: She can’t lie to him. She won’t lie to him.

 

Yes, she doesn’t lie to him after all. Actually, for once, she ever had a mind of commit suicide. But as day by day, that mind was just faded away, and she can tell herself now: She won’t doing it. But deep inside her heart, there lies a doubtness. A little doubtness.

 

He stares at the book on the table silently, again. She can’t figure out what is in his mind right now. It’s true that they are friends for years, have many projects together, but for her, he still a mysterious one.

 

She decides to wait for his words.

 

But no words come out, it just adds the silence of the library.

 

"Back then, there was a patient, our patient." He starts his words, breaking the silence. He glances at her and continue his story.

 

"The couple of beggars, lived on the street while the wife was pregnant. You know, in such condition: less sanity, less health, all in less condition and it ended up by premature birth. It was bad, the newborn baby had an obstruction in lungs and heart. He had to kept in incubator and it needed much money for operation."

 

He stops for a while and looks at her. Apparently she seems too mesmerized into his stoy, because she just stares at the floor.

 

"That was the most hectic and terrified moment. We should earn money for the deliver and operation. Day by day, night by night, we tried so hard to get the money. Alhamdulillah, we got the money, the baby was saved. Later, until shocking news came: the family didn’t want to take care of him."

 

He pause for a moment while she can’t hide her shockness. Close by her palms, she looks at him silently, almost teary.

 

Just what are they thinking about, she thinks.

 

She pleas to him by her gaze, wants him to continue his story.

 

"We were confused, who’s going to take care of him. He couldn’t left in the hospital, right?"

 

Maybe he enjoys her reaction too much.

 

"Then?" her voice is hoarse. Afraid to hear the worst possibility in her mind comes true.

 

"Yeah, fortunately a couple of doctors would to take care of him. Those people, husband and wife, they haven’t had a child yet, but they want to take care of him, a disable one. Such a kind people they were."

 

He looks at her again, this time he finishes his story with a smile. She can’t help herself for smile. Yes, apparently in this rotten world, people like them still exist.

 

"So.."

 

He starts again, only draws her attention.

 

"I still can’t figure out what are "those people" thinking about when they commit suicide. Meanwhile, that baby had tried so hard to life. To continue his life," he emphasizes the last words.

 

Silence again. Only the sound of aircon’s whir fills the whole room.

 

"They forget, that they always have a place to leaned on, something to leaned on, someone to leaned on."

 

He shrugs, “No, they don’t,” enough to makes her look at him.

 

"They don’t forget at all, they are aware. But they are too afraid, so they choose to runaway in the end."

 

She gives him a small smile. Again, he says no wrong.

 

to be continued…