I've never written here before, and I really doubt anyone will read this. But, I just felt like talking about the B.A.P concert I went to like more than a month agai, cause it doesn't even feel real anymore. It was so weird to see them live, like they all look exactly the same, its so surreal. I waved to Himchan, and I would like to believe he waved back because atleast I would have some interaction. Idk, I think it just made me realize how far we actually are from are idols. Even when we see them live there is a good chance that they won't even see us. We're just a small light in the giant ocean of fans, how would they even see us? I think after that I got a little bit sad, and lost all my motivation to write. I just couldn't do it anymore. I know they're fiction, but seeing the harsh reality of it all just shocked me into not being able to do anything. And on top of that my friend kept depressing me by saying that that was the last concert B.A.P would be having in Chicago (and that general area) and I just felt strange. We didn't even try to do anything. I remember when we first got to the venue we were so confused. We had never been to a concert before, and didn't really know how to do anything. We awkwardly asked around and stood in the line for the merchendise. There was this photographer/reporter behind us, yet we never even talked to her nor did she attempt to make any conversation-but that's besides the point. It was just so weird. We went dressed up all nice and were wearing casual dresses, and everyone around us was wearing casual clothing-or something really awkward. We were so out of place, and it was like everyone knew we were. But its not like they were doing it on purpose, it was like we just distanced ourselves from them. Pretty soon we were at the desks and the guy was calling me, but I didn't hear him cause there was so much commotion, and he said 'Next' about 2 more times and he looked really annoyed. I went up to him, saying 'sorry' cause I haven't even been there for an hour and someone was already annoyed by me. He asked for my ID, and I didn't have it, but I did print out my confirmation emails so I showed those. I waited there for a bit, and after a while of searching he said he couldn't find my name on the list. When he said that I was so scared. What did he mean? He checked again, and I was already dreading everything. Of course this would happen to me, out the 3,400 people here. He looked back up to me and told me to move on to the next person, saying he didn't have time. I moved on to the next guy and explained to him that I ordered off my mom's name so maybe it was her name. I tried saying this to the other man, but he wasn't listening and told me to move on. He checked the list and informed me once again that he couldn't find my name. My friends and I looked at each other and I honestly didn't know what I was going to do. Not only was this embarrasing, I wouldn't be able to pick up any of my merchendise. Thankfully after a couple more moments he found my name, and showed the other guy where my name was. He was like "this idiot is blind" and the first one finally laughed and apologized for not having his glasses. I got my album and we then told him we had other merchendise. He jokingly sighed and acted like it was a lot of work, because for each item there was a seperate list, and since there were 3 of us we all ordered off of my account, and had a lot of stuff. He made me read off my address because I didn't have my ID, and then started going through my lists, crossing my name off. He handed us all our stuff and said that because we made him do so much work he would be taking all my papers (just confirmation emails with my address and phone number). I was stupidly saying 'sorry' cause I was just so embarrased and relieved. Looking back I was such an idiot. I could have joked with him and said that he should be sorry for making me take all the stress, but I was a dummy and I didn't. Oh well. So we got all the merch, and laughed with the man before walking back to the hotel super excited. I honestly just felt really, really weird. It just didn't seem real. We sat down in the lobby and we opened our light sticks and freaked out, and my dad was sitting there just amazed at how excited we were. I slowly opened the album hoping that I would see the HighTouch pass, but we sadly didn't get it. I mean how could I? Some people had bought 10 albums just to try to get it. I only bought 1, what was I even expecting? Even though it was a little dissapointing, we were still al excited, and went up the hotel to go to the venue. Since we were staying in the hotel, and the hotel was connected to the theathre, we could go straight from there. We didn't need to stand in lines and entered early. Everything was all blue, and we found our seats, and I just sat there not knowing what to do. Everyone was screaming and I remember being annoyed because B.A.P hasn't even come out yet, there was still an hour to go. They all screamed when an add came on and I remember being so annoyed at them. Pretty soon everyone started screaming again and all stood up. My friend and I were so confused. We were going to be 'respectful' and 'polite' and be seated throught out but we couldn't see because everyone was standing up. I also didn't know if I could stand up because they had cameras set up behind us, and I didn't want to be in the shot, which was also stupid, becase who wouldn't want to be in a concert recording? So then a news cast went on and I thought it was an other commercial when I realized it wasn't. It was talking about UFO's and I knew this must be part of the intro. Suddenly the news cast started to fuzz and it went blank. Everything's so hazy but I rememeber there was a heartbeat, and it felt like the whole entire venue was shaking. It suddenly went dark, and everyone had their lights on and they were all screaming. I could feel my heartbeat along with the rhythm of everything just going on. It was really amazing. Its just really hard to explain. Then there were all these letters and numbers on the screen, like something was being decoded. I couldn't hear anything except for the screaming fans and the shaking of the venue made it difficult. But after a while I recognized what was being decoded and I saw "spread the word" and "shake the world" and then on que I heard Daehyun's voice. I knew it was B.A.P's song B.A.P and I didn't know how to react. I just turned toward my friend and was like 'Omg, I know this'. We were first really awkward with our light sticks, like we were just weirdly standing there, not really knowing how to cheer. But with the song, we kind of got used to it, and I ended up singing all the lyrics, cause I know all the lyrics (don't judge me). After their intro, the screen lifted up and I remember just seeing their legs and thinking "oh goodness its them. its bap" I turned my friend and told her to figure out who was who. We didn't have time though, and soon they were coming down the steps, and I was just frozen with shock. It was B.A.P, in front of me. I could clearly see their faces, and they were real. It was just strange seeing them only on my laptop, and on videos to BAM, in real life. I don't know if I screamed but I was just silently staring at them, enthralled. I could see all the folds in their pants, and I was just in a state of shock. I knew one shot was playing and I dutifully sang along, and waved my light stick, and then the song ended just like that. Looking back, I can barely remember the order of the songs, or the order of anything that happened. It was like it was all one amazing dream. I was soon in the 'mood' and ended up dancing with a random girl next to me for 'Check On' and at that moment I was truly happy. I kept waving, but we were too far for them to be able to see us. We were just small, green matokis in the dark. Yongguk then talked about Sewol and how we needed to be strong and I remember being so proud of B.A.P. I don't even know anymore. It was also weird to see interactions in real life. Because I saw some BangHim moments. Everyone was at the front, and I can't remember what they were doing, but I saw Himchan  whisper something to Yongguk, and then  Yongguk just gave this stupid, silly grin and they both laughed. There was also DaeJae, when Daehyun ran around Youngjae like an airplane, and I remember squealing like an idiot, because Daehyun seemed sad in the concert and he finally looked happy. They then lied to us and said they were leaving, but I had seen some fan accounts and I knew they would come back and perform 1004, Warrior, and then With You. They did 1004 and Warrior, and it was amazing because for some songs you could only hear the song, because everyone was singing along. I then was waiting for With You, but then they were saying bye and they started leaving and I was like wait waht. I then saw Daehyun stay back and take selcas with some people in the first row, and they had to call him because he was taking so long. He ran back before waving to them, and even though it wasn't me I just felt really happy. After it was over I remember just standing there dumbfounded. The TS and CJEM logo went up, and I realized it was truly over. People started getting up and leaving and I just felt like someone ripped my heart out. They had gotten me so hyped up with Warrior, and then they were like OK BYE! and were suddenly gone. I really should have stayed in the venue, but I walked out seeing everyone leaving. We had some girl take a pic of us in the isle way, and I looked one last look at the stage before leaving. I remember seeing my dad and he asked me how it was and I just said 'good'. I just felt so weird. Me and B.A.P were in the same room, breathing the same air. I had just listned to them live, seen them dance live. I really wanted to go eat with my friends after, but my Dad started whining, and I had to comply with him and we ate dinner at TGIF cause it was so late and no other place was open. That night I woke up at 3AM cause my dad was snoring and I couldn't believe anything that happened. I wanted to go out of my room and walk around the hotel cause there were rumors that they were staying in the same hotel, but ofcourse I didn't. I didn't even know what I would do if I had somehow came across them. We then left and I just felt empty throughtout until they released the B.A.P Attack episode where they talked about Chicago, and how Himchan said he 'connected' with Chicago fans the most and he wanted to come back again. PLEASE COME BACK. OR COME BACK TO DETROIT THAT WOULD BE COOL TOO. Ok I don't even know why I wrote all of that. It was just killing me to keep it all in, and even that isn't all of it. And no one is going to read this, but eh- I needed to just talk about it. Ok this is getting weird now, maybe I should study for my 2 tests and practice my presentation for tomorrow. Well ok... Bye? (to the non-existant people who are not reading this)