Did you realise that you have never really initiated conversation with me?

Did you realise that I'm always asking how you are, how your day was and if you've been taking care of yourself?

You only ask me those things because I started first.

Do you even care about me? I used to think we were the closest of friends, that our bond would go unbroken for as long as we lived, that no matter what paths we chose, we'd still be together as close friends. But no.

I guess I was the only one who thought like that.

You don't care about me. I always show the effort to care. I go above and beyond for you but I'm always stuck here, waiting. I shouldn't expect anything. But I am, because a relationship, any form of relationship is about giving and taking. I always give, and give, and give and give and give. But all you do is take. Now at least. Does not going to the same school mean to stop caring? To stop and break promises and ruin memories? 

You've become exactly what I used to rant to you about. A spoilt piece of my life's puzzle. I cared so much about you, I really thought we'd be such good friends until either one of us croaked it, or even long after that. But that 'bond' didn't even last long.

If you're thinking to yourself, 'Well where are you now? You don't seem to care now." 

The answer would be I still do. But I've stopped reaching out to you because I wanted to make sure you were worth it. I was waiting for you to reach out me this time, to see if you cared for me as much as I cared for you. You don't. How would I know? Well, for one thing, a true friend would make time for someone they cared about, ex. their best friend? Even if it was just a simple text or sticker on Viber. All these forms of technology to help people 'connect' and 'get closer' and it's not even being used for it's purpose. You have no excuse. It's really not hard to send a 'Hello' once and a while. I understand that you're busy, but NEVER, not once, in months have you contacted me. 

Do you realise how many times my trust and heart have been broken? A lot. And you've made it worse. I shouldn't blame you though, it's hardly your fault. I should have known better. Maybe I'm meant to be alone.

Oh, and you know another reason why I know you don't care? You forgot my birthday. I'll be honest, I don't particularly like my birthday. But seeing my friends greet me makes me feel better about it. No one really did this year. The people I was never close with bothered to greet me and I gave them my sincerest of thanks. But you? And the other people I was with for so long? Not even a peep. I waited for days after that. Nothing. Not even now.

What did I ever do wrong to you? I cared for you so much, if only you knew how much attention I gave you more than my family. I regret that. I spent hours making you gifts and being there for you. I should've just done it for my family.

Are you even worth it anymore? I feel like everyone who I used to lean on has just abandoned me- tossed me aside like a disposable rag doll. Is that all I am to people?

Despite all this I can never force myself to stop caring. I will always care, because no matter how many times you've hurt me, you're still human. You make mistakes and so do I. When you need a hand or an ear to listen to you, I'll be there, because we all need that. I won't do what you did to me. I'll be there for you and I still am. I'll just stop hoping for the close bond I thought we had. 

If you ever see this, and you ever try to make it up... You can try. I won't turn you away. I'll accept whatever reasoning you have, I won't yell at you or rant about how my feelings were hurt. That's why I'm writing it all in this blog. I'll accept whatever you say and maybe we'll go back to talking again or maybe we'll both move on. Who knows? But you've affected my life a great deal. Trust is something I give out very easily. If you've been kind to me, I'll trust you and be loyal to you. But once that trust is broken, no matter how many times you try to fix it, it'll never completely return. Loyalty is something you shouldn't mess with. It's strong and powerful but at the same time, hilariously vulnerable. 

I've no more trust in you. We can be friends, sure, but you should know that 'friends' is a term that holds little to no meaning to me. I treat my acquaintances with more care.