So for those of you who remember I wrote a freakin' novel about the guy that I believe know I still love.

I started talking to him~ I added him as a friend on FaceBook and messaged him (yes, I did it first). I was basically asking how he was doing and if he wanted to message me back he could. He did and as we were talking, I noticed he hadn't changed at all. He's still the amazing and sweet person he was 3-4 years ago. The same one that was arguing over me last summer.

Well tonight I found out he still goes out with that girl I saw him making out with in the hallway .____. When I heard that I wanted to cry. I'm starting to tear up right now just writing this and thinking about it.

I have no one to blame but myself. He was someone I should've held close and never let him go. I am so ING STUPID.

My dreams are deflated and I have no more hope for anything anymore. That is really how I feel right now. At the same time, the only person that I want to see is him. He has such a beautiful heart and thinks so highly of me despite all the things that happened between us. He felt that I was content with us being friends and that was why I stopped talking to him. No. It was because I was scared and I apologized for everything. When I told him that he forgave me. He ing forgave me. If I were him, I would've cussed me out so bad and told me not to talk to him again.

This is kinda sick when I think about it but do you know what I think would make guys like me more? If I had my hair. I cut my hair over the summer (way after I saw him):

BEFORE                                                                                                                AFTER

It's like, do I really feel THAT insecure about myself now that I really think that a guy won't like me because of my hair? My face is still the same. I am still the same person in the 2nd picture with the same personality that I had in the 1st picture. Will a guy really not look twice at me just because of my hair? .___. PAUSE! You need to sit your crazy down now...you are legit out of your goddamn mind now. Shut the hell up. (This is legit what the arguement is in my head now. I'm offically going crazy...arguing with myself in my head. Well my nonexistant love life right now, I tell ya)

I'm sorry to burden yall with my stupidity. I really just don't know what to do...