Sometimes, I wondered if I didn’t got so fond of Korean music. Like, SNSD (Girls’ Generation) is just a South Korean girl group with songs that I mostly, not really a fan. I’m into rock bands and indie music, and then one day, I just found myself searching videos after videos of these nine girls who can put a smile into my face even I hardly understand what they say, thanks to English subtitles.

I’m not this kind of person who will get so attach to an artist. I mean, I believe you can listen to music without getting involve to the person or person who produced it. Maybe, you know the lead vocal and the members, but that’s it. Their names. That’s all.

But with Kim Taeyeon, Jessica Jung, Tiffany Hwang, Kwon Yuri, Lee Sunny, Kim Hyoyeon, Choi Sooyoung, Im Yoona and Seo Seohyun, why does it feel like I want to know all of them. Why does it feel like I’m more interested in their personality, them as being a person and stuff like that rather than their music, well you can add that too. 

Is this what you call fan obsession? Because I don’t do that . I have a lot of things to do in my life than sitting there infront of my laptop and browsing videos of their interviews, MV’s and all that that stuff. But why can I spend hours and hours watching these girls talk and found myself smiling…..and why I can’t get enough.

I love Vic Fuentes of Pierce the Veil. I love Pierce the Veil. But I don’t see myself watching their videos, maybe except for the Music Video. 

I’m so ing in love with the music of Sleeping with Sirens, A Day to Remember, Mayday Parade, All Time Low, Lana del Rey, and Arctic Monkeys and the list will go on and on..

But i never tried watching anything related to them unless it’s a music video or a lyric video.

Then, I just accepted the fact that I’m in love with these girls. Not romantically you . 

But I can’t denied the fact that how it affects me if they dated someone. And when I learned that the other members had or has a boyfriend. I feel so disappointed, heartbroken and like that. 

I guess I know what does it really feel to be this kind of person I used to hate. Fan girls. LOL. Actually, I don’t know now what does that term fully means. 

That I know, if Taeyeon will date someone. or Jessica will date someone. Or Tiffany will date someone. Or Yuri. Or Seohyun. Or Sunny. 

I will feel hurt. 

I have this idea, that they are all goddesses and no mortal men can be good enough for them. That they will be good enough to look at, to hear, to watch but NOBODY lays a damn finger. 

How selfish of me to think that way. We are just fans but i felt like a friend to them. Even they don’t know that I exist. 

It’s been two years and it felt like yesterday when I first listened to their song.

How I shipped Taeny so bad.

Yulsic so bad.

How I waste my time writing fanfics.

How i want Taeny to be real.

Delusional? you (keep it to your self)
 

I wondered if all the people have same ideas like me. That these girls are better off to be alone, just like a star in the sky, they shine and you look up at them but they are so far away for us to reach, so we just look at them. admire them from a far..

My happiness is watching these girls shine.

And you have to admit, we want them for ourselves. Our biases.

I love Taeyeon so much it pains me. LOL, 

I love Jessica so much it hurts me.

I love Tiffany so mcuh I want to kill someone.

But i’m just kidding.

Then, I wondered if they feel so lonely like the star in the night sky. I really really wish for their happiness even if one day they will find someone who can make them feel less lonely. A genuine happiness.

Being a fan is not easy. You can call names. But being a fan of these nine girls, watching Taeyeon, shipping Taeny as …how you want them to be real. You have to wake up in a reality that one day will come. And you have just to accept it. And those years that you spent knowing these girls from a far, in front of your computer was all worth it. Cos you can’t deny the fact that they made you happy. So in return you have to be happy for them if that day will come…that they no longer Girls’ Generation but rather individuals with endeavors, who seeks the full meaning of life, finding someone who will complete them.

If Taeyeon will find someone and if she’s happy.

If Tiffany will find someone and she’s happy.

If Jessica will find someone and she’s happy.

If Yuri will find someone and she’s happy.

If Seohyun will find someone and she’s happy.

if Sunny will find someone and she’s happy.

Hyoyeon.

Yoona.

Sooyoung.

If Taeny will not be romantically real at least at some point of our lives, genuine friendship exist..that Taeny is a kind of friendship that will be forever treasured (-crossed fingers still shipping-)

I will be happy.

Let’s just be happy for our girls, or women in our lives perhaps?

Right?

Let’s focus in ours, because sometimes we are so in love and focused on other people’s lives that we forget ours. Let’s take a couple of step backward. And maybe from there we can make out of things to do and start a step forward.