Warning: Some cursingggggg... And confessions... LOOOONG confessions. 

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Okay, so I never posted something personal about me, but I had a dream last night and it's bugging me a lot. >.< I just wanted to share the confessions of a troubled heart... (That was from Bestfriend4eva xD)

Normally, I would dream about a person I hated or a lot of people, but it'll be random and I can't recall properly. But, this time... At least one scene was placed properly, and I'll tell you before I forget. 

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Everyone was playing outside in a huge field, everyone as in my friends and some random people I don't even know. (It gets weirder than this) But, I was on a bench or something sitting down and watching from afar with my friend, Krystal, and another close friend Marge. So, we're just talking about what's going on with the other people playing, and I think they were playing... volleyball? Because I remember I said, "Who the heck can play volleyball? I mean, your wrists and stuff..." (XD) Krystal shrugged, but Marge was all like, "Is that Jonghyun?!" She pointed to an asian guy with the front of his hair spiked, playing volleyball. I'll just tell you, that Jonghyun is not Jonghyun from SHINee, sorry to disappoint. ^^; But, it's Jonghyun my childhood friend... yeah... 

Of course I noticed before Marge even pointed out, I mean, come on, he's my childhood guy friend. Then she said something about his hairstyle, but Krystal and I ignored her. as usual. 

Then... I can't recall wat happened next... OH YEAH! There was so much commotion now on the field for some reason. There was this blonde girl or something, (IDK WHY AGAIN, UGHH MY DREAMS), and she was next to Jonghyun and like, hugging his arm or something? Then it came so suddenly, but she kissed him? IDK I FEEL SO LOST, HELP ME. (T^T) So yeah, Marge was like, "WAHHH!" Krystal just said, "Oh my god." I was all like, (O.O) Like, "What the hell did I just see?" (XD) Don't get me wrong though, I don't have a crush on him, he's just like my older brother...

But, I do remember the reason why I cried. Yes, I did cry. Most of the time when I cry in my dreams I cry, like, in my bed when I'm sleeping. (Doesn't that ever happen to you?) First of all, you need to know that Jonghyun and I kinda drifted apart this year-ish. IDK WHY, he just started shutting me out and changing his style and attitude. (>.<) I hate it every time I see him. His hair, his clothes, his freaking hipster glasses, his "fresh" personality. 

Not that he did anything personally bad to me. Like, say something down-right mean to my face. Oh, wait he did. Yeah... Can I tell you about this one too? Nevermind. I'll make another blog post about it. (:P) 

SOOO, the next part was I give him a letter? *unsure* But, I know that the letter has stuff about my concerns for why he changed and all that and I'm not really okay with it and all that. (Omo, my stupid repititions) In the letter I don't remember exactly what I wrote to him, but I do remember this important line, "I hope that before things get worse than it is now, we can be like how we used to be." Weell, something along those lines. 

Surprisingly, my dream goes on, and now... I have a reply? Yes, IDK why he replied that quick, I mean, it was a freaking letter on freaking paper. (This is a dream anyway) It was a multi-paged letter which was sloppily written, but I can recall that Jonghyun's hand-writing was always like that. (Last time I checked. >.<) But it went along the lines of: 

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Dear Arisa, (Yes, my name is Arisa :) 

I know that we're not as close like we used to be. I know that I've changed so much and I'm not the little boy you used to know so well. Both of us are growing up so fast, but I want things to be like what they were before as well. It's hard to grasp what's in the past, you know? You've always been like a little sister to me. But, you've held on to me, when I've let go of you. I hope we can still fix what we have left. 

From, 

Jonghyun 

~~~

Then he wrote some other stuff about remembering like, a checklist or something? He drew some stuff from our childhood and all that. In my dream, I cried while reading the letter. (I'm still in the field with Krystal and Marge, you know) and they're all like, staring at me or something, while I was practically sobbing. I mean, my chest felt like it was tightening and it was hard to breathe. 

And that's the end of the dream. 

Oh, god. I'm crying right now, actually. Tears are falling as I write this. I don't know why. *brushes them away* This is literally me right now, lol: 

Then I woke up sometime later, only to feel that my eyes seemed glued shut by that hard stuff in your eyes when you wake up in the morning (Ew, I know). I had a feeling that my eyes were puffy, which only happens if I cried myself to sleep or if I cried in my sleep. I realized that I cried in my sleep and finally recalled my dream...

I think I dream about my troubles the most. I never actually happen to dream about good things, IDK WHY. Something's alittle wrong with me. OTL My brother can dream about almost ANYTHING he WANTS TO. Like, he had a dream about Star Wars the Clone Wars or something and he was a Jedi. I dreamt about this girl I hated. (QAQ) He dreamt about Attack On Titan after finishing the whole series. LIKE WHAT?! UGGHH, it's like, anything he enjoys, he dreams about... Whereas, I... 

Have hate dreams, to put it simply. 

But, do I really hate my childhood friend, Jonghyun? Only the dreams can tell. *nods head repeatively* 

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So that's it with all the rant or something, I just really really really needed to confess it to someone I DON'T know. Yeah, there's a little insight to my life. (-___-)" 

You're either like: 

Or you're crying.feeling sad. Beautifully like L, or just frickin it up like Minho (Lol):