Blog #9: When One Thinks About It

you know what depression is? for those who just dont quite get it?

depression isnt being sad constantly. or being sad during bad times. no, its much more than that.

depression is being sad constantly. but its having a sinking feeling during everything

it doesnt matter if you are in a good environment

or if your friends are fun with you

or if everything goes good in your life

you still have that sinking feeling

youre still sad

you are still depressed

you still go home after seeing friends and socializing and having a good time and youre still sinking downwards

after hanging out with people, i go home and i lay there on my bed and i just stare up at the ceiling feeling numb

then i just think about all thats missing in my life

it doesnt make a difference if that day was a good ay or if anything i had just done was amazing and poeple gave me praise for or any like that

i just lay awake at night and feel that empty feeling in my chest that keeps growing bigger with every passing night

i just feel empty and numb all the time

and it just freaking

i hate it

i cant stand it

but its hard trying to fake happiness when you cant feel it in your heart

depression just seeps at me

but i have to keep struggling right?

because we all know what happens you stop trying

you hit rock bottom

you reach the edge of the cliff

you are one handful away from death

when you stop trying, depression is the push that makes you go further

and thats when im dead

so to that and their friends that was laughing at depression today at the store and saying suicide is joke for those who are weak

dont you dare ing joke about this

dont you ing dare think that depression is a laughing matter

AND DONT YOU EVER FREAKING SAY DEPRESSION IS FOR THE WEAK AND ITS A JOKE

BECAUSE YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HALF THE I HAVE TO GO THROUGH EVERYDAY

AND I WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU TRY TO ING WALK IN MY SHOES OR STRUGGLE HOW I DO

....and its s like them that make people like me take that final step in assuring the absolute end to any pain....its s like them that will kill people like me

Comments

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clueless #1 Apr 10, 2014 14:08:16

Honestly I agree with you. People shouldn't be saying that 'suicide is for weak people'. Hell they don't know what we're going through, they have no ing rights to judge us. This, I mean they are the reason why people commit suicide.
Suicide is not a laughing or a joking matter. They just need a kick in the head, and maybe know how it actually feels before they speak.

nocturnalrescue #2 Mar 31, 2014 23:29:12

I understand that kind words don't help all that much, but maybe try to think more about the people saying and doing wonderful things. I don't pretend to know what depression feels like and it's not fair that depression has to exist.

But can I just say I think you should be allowed to be happy?

Yeah. Be happy :) i know it's not one of those instantaneous things, like 'oh I guess I'll be happy now' because happiness doesn't work that way. But maybe sometime is week or next, maybe next month or next year, or even decades from now, I hope you won't feel empty ^3^ *chu*