Friend: Look loooooook loooooooook! I can be an elf! I found these add on things for your ears online and I could be an ellllllllllf

Me: #WENEEDTOBUYTHIS

Friend: When I start uni I might just turn up wearing them and be like "oh yeah, these are my real ears" and no one would know and it would be brilliant!

Me: What if you fell in to a tree and your elf ear fell off and because they thought it would be your real ear they start screaming and call an ambulance, but because the ambulance is dealing with you and not some one who's really hurt a crazy cat lady doesn't get an ambulance and she dies and leaves three hundred and eleven cats behind which then decide to take revenge by eating all your cardigans?

Friend: I would cry eternally. Like, no cats you es I need those cardies. But still. I would have 311 cats in my possession and that would be awesome.

Me: How the hell would you pay to feed 311 cats?

Friend: If the cats killed me that would be a pretty cool way to die, like, my grandchildren would be like "hey Stacey! My grandma was killed by cats!!" and then Stacey would be like "oh. My grandma died of old age" HOW BORING!!!

Me: Who the hell is Stacey?