be prepared for a minirant up ahead. read at your own risk.

so if anyone asks me if 2011's been a good or bad year, I'd say it's been a bad year.
I've had tons of rough times. with my family, first off, my mom and I have never been on good terms, and this year the tension's heightened. idk why but I get frustrated at my mom really easily. & we argue a lot. it's like I can't control myself. I just have to pick on things. with my friends, I started having this really good friend at the start of the year but we drifted apart. we drifted apart and someone else took her from me. I'm jealous, yeah. but I really liked her and I thought we'd be BFFs. so I ended up being a lonersocialbutterfly. if that makes sense. I'm everywhere and nowhere in my class. like, I know everyone, but I don't have really exceptionally good friends. people I thought I knew became the ones who afftected me the most (in a bad way). people I trusted showed me how I shouldn't trust them.

& then, myself. I know I'm a naturally mean person. I'm rude, I'm picky, I do bad things. I tried to be nice, but it didn't work out. I have a short temper, and tend to scare my friends off like that. they think I'm cold. at some point I was really confused with myself. I decided, "Tammy, if you're going to be mean, be mean all the way. if you're going to be nice, be nice all the way." but I couldn't. people got on my nerves, I got on their nerves, there was a lot of drama around me. I can't blame anyone, it's just an internal dilemma thing. 
also, there's my toe. my toe's got this viral wart thing, and it had me stop ballet classes for a month. when I returned I had to skip my November exam 'cos I wasn't ready, and now I have to (apparently) wait until the next November exam instead of taking my March one, because my teacher wanted me to catch up. as a result, because I couldn't catch up very well and felt very behind compared to my peers, I developed a dislike for ballet. ballet's been my life for like... nine years. suddenly I hate going for ballet class because I'm afraid I'll get embarrassed. 
&... that's not all. I love writing, always have. my teacher likes my writing style too, but then she had to choose a few students for the writing program, where you get this special mentor to guide you in creative writing. I didn't get chosen. I thought I would, because my teacher liked to mention me in the class a lot for my writing. I really wanted that, but she gave it to a friend whom I knew wasn't as good as me, in all honesty, and now I'm kinda avoiding her... yes. again, I'm jealous.

tbh, I haven't managed my time very well, & i got kinda hooked onto the whole kpop & aff & rp-ing that my grades dropped. from the start of the year I was one of the top 20s of my school, but I dropped to top 50s. it isn't good, for my standard. my grades dropped and I was disappointed with myself. 

I feel better now, after getting that all off my chest. 

god knows how long I've been affected by that. 

there were perks in 2011, but I don't feel like talking about them now. sigh. you guys really don't need to comment, or like, give me advice or anything... because I know, and I'm really sure, about one thing. 

2012 will be a good year.

because I'll make it one.