Exactly that. I just don't know anymore. Amy* and I have been friends since we were 7, and she is my best friend. Unfortunately, she's also best friends with Lenny*, a girl I don't really like. But Lenny is not the problem here. It's Amy. She's quirky, sings well and dances well. She can draw nice pictures, and she's like a cheerleader-friend; nearly always positive and always cheering people up in her special way. I liked her that way. But because she's naive, she was controlled by Lenny back then. 

Back then was quite a horror. Lenny and I were constantly arguing over things. Only did some days pass by without us getting on each other's nerves. I used to call her my best friend, because I thought so. But back then I was silly. The term 'best friend' practically meant 'good friend' to me, and so I thought Lenny was good to me, and I called her my best friend. But I was wrong. And I only realized late last year. It was a facade. I mean why would she call me her best friend when behind my back, she goes on about how y I am? 

So I thought about it real hard, and decided to back off from her. I did. And things are quite okay now. But no it's not actually. Because Amy, being that naive one, is struggling to know where she stands. She doesn't know where to go, where to be. What to do. She says she's unsure. But she's not trying hard enough to think it through properly. I tried to help her, to give her some advice seeing that she agrees with me that Lenny was being overboard quite a lot. But I feel like I have wasted my breath, because now, she seems to not heed my advice and is sticking with Lenny so much. 

Before you think I'm a possesive person, I'm not really in this case. Amy and I had this talk for many times already, and the last time we had it she was pretty sure about her feelings as a friend towards Lenny. I didn't force her, or try to brainwash her, no. She said she would slowly back off from Lenny too and not make it seem too harsh and sudden. I thought, okay, things would then be better. No. It seems like she did nothing to fight for her rights. Amy was always controlled by Lenny before this, and slowly as we grew older, she fended for herself more. 

But whether she fended for herself more or not, she's still practically Lenny's shadow. Of course, not as bad as before. But I worry. Amy is who she is, and even with her flaws, she's a great friend. I'd hate to lose her to Lenny. Nowadays, I don't get to talk alone with Amy because Lenny is always there beside her. Practically every single time. And I find it getting very annoying now. Also, Lenny isn't a soft, gentle or understanding girl (she never understands me). If I had to tell her 'I need to talk to Amy alone for a while," she would surely be suspicious and after that try to dig out information from Amy. And the last thing I wanted was for her to invade me and Amy's privacy (though I think Amy wouldn't mind as much as me).

I have a feeling that if this goes on, Amy and I would drift apart and we'd no longer be what we used to be: best friends. Though I can always talk to her on the internet, it's not the same as speaking to her face to face. It's different. And it'll only make our friendship rot. I worry about this. But she doesn't seem to be perturbed by this fact. She doesn't think this would happen. She thinks everything would still be okay. And when I told her that I don't agree with her, she asked me to tell her what to do. I don't want to always be the one who tells her what to do. She needs to think for herself. Think hard and find the answer herself. 

I can't always be there to provide an answer to her problems. She has to be independant. And when I told her that, she just replied an 'okay..'.I'm just so tired of her calmness towards this issue. Isn't she worried even the slightest bit? I really don't know what to do anymore. She keeps saying she doesn't know what to do, and that it's true that Lenny had been an inconsiderate friend to her many times. But eitherway, Amy still lets Lenny call her her best friend. Fine, so maybe that's none of my business. Amy doesn't seem to be trying to get an answer to this matter once and for all. She seems to think that settling this next time would be better.

Well, I don't think so. But she can't do anything even if I say this to her. I bet she didn't even think about it much. Some people told me to just leave it be. Leave her be. But how can I? She's my best friend, and I worry about our frienship. I don't want to lose her. Therefore, I can't just sit there and watch calmly. I really can't. But there is nothing I can do now. I'm frustrated with her, with this. Even if I tell this to anyone else, they wouldn't take it seriously either. They'd just try to calm me down or comfort me in ways that do not help at all but only fuel my frustration. This blog post would probably annoy some of you, I'm sorry. I just have to write it down somewhere to get it off my chest. 

I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't sit down and watch and don't care, but I can't do anything else either. Though I'd still try my best to hold Amy and mine's friendship into place. But other than that, I'm clueless. What this is. 

*Names changed because I think it's better that way. For privacy too.