A personal entry. 
Because I've been feeling like this these days. 

The pain takes it toll in your throat, like it's actually suffocating you until you can't speak or breathe. Well naturally, when your eyes land on him, you're in shock and your eyes grow wide, then you can't speak. All you can do, is just stare at him as he doesn't even give you much more than a sideway glance. Then the pain, it moves down to your chest, you could feel your whole chest area squeezing and tightening as you slowly breathe. You can feel yourself heat up and maybe even blush when you see him, but it's not in a good way. It usually never is in a good way. The pain creeps up into your heart, striking you right in the middle of the organ. You feel all sorts of things; longing, loathing, regret, anger, desire, and many more that are related to the bad side of love. You feel all those in just a single look at him. 

Then you overthink things. On the way home, or when you're walking away from him, you think. You think about the times you had together. You think about the things you've said to each other. You think about the memories you made together. You think about the way you felt around each other. You think about the broken promises and dreams. You think about your shattered heart. You think about your broken relationship. You think about the good and bad times you had; the make-ups and the break-ups. You think about all of those. You think about him. It's always been about him, hasn't it?

For weeks now, you were fine. You were alright. Heck, you were more than alright! You were loving life and you were living it to the fullest! But why? Why?! One look at him was all it took for your walls to crumble down. One look was enough to remember about all the times you had. Both the good and the bad. 

Maybe it's because.. you were lying to yourself. You've been creating a new world in where he doesn't exist and in where he doesn't revolve around it anymore. But things like these take time, you should've known that! Five months of togetherness could not be easily erased in just five weeks, can it? Well maybe if you try hard enough, you can. But there's no denying it, that somewhere deep down, you still feel something for him. Whether it's longing, desire or love.. you still want him back no matter what the consequences were. 

Whether the pain you felt was something related to missing him, either way, you wanted him back. It's not the memories you just miss, but him too; all of him. His warm bear-like hugs, his soft touch, his gentle kisses, his smooth skin against your's, his arms around you as you sleep, his eyes boring down into your's, his own legs entangled with your's, his fingers intertwined with your own, his hands ruffling your hair or sometimes even playing with it, his sweet smile that has gotten you through so many tough times, his adorkable laugh that makes you laugh along, his cheeky grin that you have always liked, his nose that you loved to poke, his chubby cheeks that you like to squeeze, his heartbeat saying your name, his lips on your skin, his defined chest that you like to sleep on, him.. just.. him, in general. 

She thought she didn't love him now.
She thought she had moved on.
But when she looked at him;
boy, did she thought wrong.

Now, tell me, is this a girl who has moved on?