*Warning: Post includes an explosion of personal stuff that has nothing to do with writing, kpop, or anything important. Just felt like writing down my internal philosophical battle somewhere.*

On Saturday, I hung out with one of my friends (yeah, surprisingly I actually still make social contact outside of the internet), and he told me something that struck me as strange. He called me a tsundere. To those of you who don't know what that is, it's pretty much a person who's cold and may even be a bit of a bully, especially towards the one they like, but on the inside is caring and maybe even sweet. There's variations of this, but that's about the jist of it. It came as a bit of a shock to me, because I never really thought of myself as "cold" or "uncaring," because really, who would think of themselves like that? So my brain totally went crazy looking at all the contradictions. I think of myself as friendly, open and actually kind of awkward, so it's really shocking to hear that that's not how other's view me. I mean, my own mom called me aloof and someone who doesn't really acknowledges other's existence (thanks, Mom). That friend also said a little while ago that I don't really express emotions very well, or at least towards people, and that it seems like I'm wearing a mask to hide my true feelings, yet it doesn't seem like a mask and rather just a part of who I am. 

Kinda crazy when you think about it.

But it got me thinking. Who are we? Because it seems like everyone has their own version of us, and even we have a version of us, an image if you will. So who's image is the right one? You would think the image of ourselves that we have is the correct one, but then others' battle that, and if we go by another's image, whose image should we go by? Someone's who we've known for years? But then, how would they know exactly who we are? They aren't in our brains, they don't know our thoughts. And we don't even act the same around everyone. We show different sides of us to different people.

In writing (yes yes, the warning said I wouldn't bring this up. Oh well.), we often take advantage of only seeing characters in one way. From one viewpoint, our own or the protagonist's, and we forget that there's a thousand images of that same person, and each is bit different, or maybe a lot different. And yes, on occasion the character wakes up to find that Prince Charming is really the King of Theives and that's ok, but how often does the character wake up to see that they aren't the hero of everyone else's story? That they're just another character, or even the villian? And maybe the next time that character wakes up, he'll realize that he isn't even the hero of his own story. A lot of times there's instances where a character falls in love with someone who isn't exactly the nicest person, and they say "He's mean, and a brat and selfish, but I still love him." But how many times do we see someone falling in love with a guy (or girl) who may be mean, and arrogant, and selfish, and yet they say "I love him (or her) because he's the nicest person I've ever met," and totally believe it? I wrote a short story once, which I'll drag out if anyone wants to read it, about someone who was in love with someone abusive, and how they didn't see someone abusive, they saw someone who was insecure and in the need of help. And...

I think I totally just lost the point of why I'm writing this. Anyways, I just found it really amazing that who we are seems to vary between people, and how people can see us in a way that's totally different from how we see ourselves. 

This was probably just one confusing mess of thoughts. If you made it here without being confused, I congratulate you for doing what I coudn't do. I got lost about three times writing this. 

Anyways, until my next random surge of thoughts,

Mickey (naturegal)

P.S. Working on updates. Should have some up soon, and Another Chance and (surprisingly) Sansanan Funeral (sequel to Burial Ritual) are on the top of my list.