please, any body, just read this please. I feel so broken right now, and hurt and confused and lost, and depressed and just overall, not good.

I just can't stand being this sad, and putting all the weight on my shoulders and having all this pressure on me that i dont even need to take on.

I am old enough to be able to handle my own stuff. but that age is just a number on a paper. Mentally, im still a kid who needs direction and help from my parents. I cant think for my self, i need help from other people. I let other people rule my life and tell me what to do. if those people who help me are gone, im a lost puppy in the middle of the street, waiting to get run over.

thats the problem with my emotions, I have a high or i have an extreme low. the in betweens are ususally near the extremities and fluctuate. my roller coaster of emotions is either really high or really low. and i hate it when it reaches the extreme low. its like i want to do to the most extreme thing to do when i am this sad. i dont want to write out the word, because it makes me ashamed to even be thinking that. but its like, there is no way out when i hit that low, and there is nothing i can do.

 writing out my feelings doesnt always help.. but i needed to vent in someway.