So I know I used to talk about one girl and I thought I'd share my 2013 Valentine's day story with you. So without further ado, let me begin. 

 

Inner Turmoil

 

      "Hey." 

       There was a slight pause as the word awkwardly left my lips, I shifted uncomfortably in my spot, feeling the dark, brooding eyes that shifted to glance at me. I gulped, feeling the lump forming within my throat. 

       "I... I decided to stay for lunch today." I announced, suddenly put on the spot when three pairs of eyes fixated on me. I felt the urge to crawl into a hole and die, feeling suddenly self-conscious as they all stared me for a moment. My ears were burning hotly, letting the embarrassment well up within my chest. 

       "Hah, for a change?" My friend mused, raising an eyebrow. I nodded, biting down my tongue when I felt that nagging feeling nipped at my heart. I could feel the weight in my pocket, as if reminding me of the deed I was about to commit. 

       "Cool, you should do this more often!" My other friend smiled, socking me right in the shoulder. Hard. 

       "Ow." I muttered, rubbing the spot tenderly with a frown perched on my lips. My friend merely grinned at me, playfully, with her eyes twinkling mischievously. I could just imagine devil horns and a tail forming on her body; the image embedded in my mind when she flicked my shoulder, hard. 

        We all sat by our lockers with our lunches perched in front of us. I could feel my heart pounding my chest as I glanced my watch. It read: 12:00pm. 

        Damn, ten minutes till... 

        I felt my hand slip into my pocket, subconsciously. My heart was palpitating with nervous pumps, feeling as if adrenaline was rushing into my veins. My stomach was doing flips, tingling with the butterflies. 

        "Um, before it's 12:10, I need to give something to my f-friend." I told one of my guy friends. He glanced at me, curiously. It made me question my actions. I wasn't quite sure why I had even told him. 

        "Sure, I'll come with you." He offered. I just nodded, absentmindedly, lost in deep thought. 

         I pawed at the item in my pocket, imagining the face of one person who had captured my heart. Would she like it? Would she hate it? All these questions raced into my head. But I wasn't entirely sure if I would even see her today... 

         I sighed, trying to ignore the imaginary weight sitting down my chest. I could feel the burden on my shoulders and the repetitive thoughts echoing in my mind, making me feel on the edge. My other hand gripped my phone to keep me from fidgeting.

         Briiing! The first warning bell rang, shocking me out of my thoughts. 

         It's time... I can do this. 

         I quickly sat up and slung my backpack over my shoulder, ignoring the erratic beat of my palpitating heart. My breaths came out in long puffs, as if I were on the verge of hyperventilating. I cast my friend a look before we headed down the main staircase, merging in with the students around us. 

         I turned the corner as soon as I reached the last step, rushing onto into the main hallway. My feet moved in frantic steps, setting a hasty pace. I didn't even look to see if my friend was following, my main objective was to find one person. 

         Merging in with the walking students, I moved to find her locker. I could see my friend beside me, flanking awkwardly beside me, as we tried to move through the crowd of students. 

         I turned my head while my body was pushed back and forth from the students that passed me. I didn't even bat an eye at them, moving towards the middle of the hall. 

         Just as I looked to my left, a pair of beautiful dark eyes bored right into mine. A small smile perched on her pretty pink lips, lighting up her features with a gentle look. I could feel the air rush out of my lungs, rendering my breathless and still in my spot. 

         She was getting closer, only a few feet away, with that smile still on her lips. That smile that was directed to me, not my friend, but me. 

         "J!" I finally managed to say, ing my arm forward as if I were bracing myself. My hand stuck out awkwardly in her direction, causing her to pause slightly. The smile faded from her lips, replaced with a confused expression. She looked at me, as if I had suddenly grown two heads. 

          My eyes darted back and forth, the words caught in my throat. I screamed at myself, mentally, knowing I was blowing my chance. Seeing her take another step, I knew I had to take action. 

          "Come here." I drifted towards the wall, taking the tiny space between the people and the bulletin board. She moved with cautious steps, letting me see her friend right behind her. "Come closer." I waved her over, nearly kicking myself for my poor choice of words. 

          She stood in front of me, wearing that same confused look. I could see her eyebrows furrowed together, as if she were trying to figure out what my intentions were. But I grabbed the item tucked in my pocket and held it out to her. 

          "Happy Valentine's Day." I said, holding out my lame card. My hand trembled as I averted my eyes to the side, letting me feel the tremors shaking my weakened heart. I anticipated her next actions. 

           I looked over at her, out of the corner of my eyes, expecting a disgusted expression or even a polite smile. 

           Her whole face blossomed into the most joyous one I had ever see. Her eyes that had widened had curved into a miniature eye smile as she beamed a radiant smile, holding the card within her delicate hands. She was looking at me, letting me see the warmth burning within her fiery gaze. 

           "Oh my god!" She exclaimed, clutching my poorly made card within her hands. "I haven't gotten anything all day! Thank you! You're so nice!" Then, I was completely floored by her next action. 

            She closed the distance between us and wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me down towards her. Her arms encased me in a hug, letting me feel the warmth of her smaller, more petite body. 

            I eyed our position, noticing how she stood on her tippy toes to hug me while I bent down to match her shorter height. I just had time to place my hands on her back before she let me go. 

            "Alright, see you~ Thank you again~" I watched her walk away in a drunken-like stupor. 

            My cheeks were on fire while my expression was filled with contentment. I could just imagine the stupid smile perched on my face. 

            But I could feel that odd sense of accomplishment with the image of her smile embedded into my memories. 

~~

 

And that's what I did last year for the girl I loved (maybe still love at this point). For the record, my heart nearly stopped beating when she hugged me like that... 

Honestly, she was and still is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.

But she had quite a fiery attitude that drove me crazy and had those "PMS" days that really made class unbearable. Yet, she was sensitive, caring, had leader-like qualities, responsible, and simply a dork at heart.  

This is what I did for her, last year, on Valentine's day (plus my crappy confession a day or two later).