I'm sorry for posting this kind of blog but, I need a place to release my stress. Sorry guys:(

I catch a cold today and I can't come to school. While today is biology test WHICH I don't want to ever missed this class because this class is one of the class that can wreck up my score. BIOLOGY AND CHEMISTRY. But, I love chemistry and I could become suddenly somekind freak when it comes to chemistry, not biology.

idk since when I hate biology but I'm sure I still love biology before I meet this teacher. Seriously, don't ask me what kind of person he is bcs I'm sure you won't like him either. I bet none of my classmates like him too. He's like bombarding us with homeworks and tests. More than that, since my class is the last class (where actually most of kids in this class are from social class whom refused to learn social and they choosing science intstead of social, while me is an international class that dismissed by my school unfrotunately bcs of the goverment not allow my school for having any international class this year) and it's obvious all of them look at us by one eye, saying we're "not that good" and blablabla...

It's unfair to me. And makes no sense. Judging people generally like that. And the international class student like me and my other friends are like 'unhappy' abt this. We work hard just for that class. But why suddenly dismissed? 

I'm so damn worried. Now because of me getting sick everything is literally messed up. I shouldn't have get sick from the start T.T I'm blaming my self for this. 

Then suddenly my friend told me this afternoon after the class that my bilogy teacher held somekind like "selection for national team"-thing. From what she told me abt it is that "national team" is like a team who could get a high score easily, seat in the most front seat, will always be praised, yeah like favorite student thing. And there's another team, "fail team". Once you get into this team, BANG. Just accept it. You will hardly got a score, exiled to the most cornered seat at the back of the class (where you can't even see what's on the board), ignored, and buhbye.   

Is that even fair.

I know what I do here is just complaining and complaining. Is that even realistic learning 500 pages book, 10 chapters, normally learnt for a year, suddenly you have to learn it within less than 5 months? no worse, less than 4 months. NO IT'S NOT. This place giving me no mercy. Many teachers saying that we should learn with much HAPPINESS so you will enjoy it. I have no time to enjoy this . Ugh, I'm crying-_-

From all of these hardships of mine, I learn one thing. Don't ever think about anyone except yourself. You won't pass the test when you pitied people. Give cheat. You won't. And don't ever work with someone whom obviously come to school just for popularity and to show off their wealth.

And the fact is, why those people like that love to be in the same group as me. I always end up with them. I'm not smart. My score isn't that good, I never good at speaking in front of the class. And I hate to work with people who make me feel like I'm the only one who work. But why people always relying on me. Then go somewhere else having fun, as if everything's will be alright when they depend on me. WHY. Even I spazz a lot about kpop, I know my place. I... know that the only thing to get higher score with easier way is become teacher's pet.

That's why I'm working hard for that. Being nice to them, greet them, show them that you respect them so much. Yes, ofc teachers must be respected. I know I'm such a hypocrite. But that's how world work; cruel, full of lies and s, and jerks, oh. And I hate myself for being hypocrite like that. Two faces. Being like a good girl in front, but ing around at the back.

Such a bad person I am. Hate me. I even hate myself. I'm not like this before, thanks to my new high school life. It changed me drastically. I feel sorry for my parents for this:(

*cries*

ps: dammit terrible english-_-" and sorry for so many cursing. I can't contain my feels anymore. *deep bow*