The truth is that, I don't find my writing nice at all. They're obviously just some bunch of crap that my mind had thought of and let me tell you here, I love to write - it's like as if I live to write but honestly, I don't find anything that I wrote are worth reading.

I have never told my parents about what I do here. Okay well, my dad used to find some writings of mine when I was ten and he used to compliment me on how good I am for a ten year old but now, I just can't really seem to write the way I used to before.

The truth is, I actually hate living under pressure and I've tried telling my mom about it but all she said was, "We only did it just so you would do better." but clearly, all the pressure is just bringing me down.

They keep on comparing me and my sister, telling me how capable my sister is compared to me but I'm just a fourteen year old when my sister is seventeen and if they had remembered the times when my sister was fourteen, I am confident that they would take all their words back. Come on though, my sister was caught on a date at a mall by our dad's friend when she was my age and I'm just like here, sitting on my chair and typing away everything that's in my mind.

The truth is, I think that most people around me dislike me for how I look like or who I am or what I do. I myself admit that I could be really y when my mood is down and repeatedly, I've said my sorry for a lot of times but yet, I still have no idea why they hate me.

For example, I used to have this one friend since I was eight and we were so close back then, including our mothers. We went to extra classes together, we went to tuition together and there was this one point where I just thought that I might have liked him a lot and he knew about it and there was this one time later when I couldn't think straight because there's too much thing going on and I messed things up and I kept on apologizing but he won't accept me back and I literally almost gave up on life.

The truth is, I once self-harmed in my life before. It was in 2012 - it was a quite a big year for me, both my parents putting on all their hopes on my shoulder and praying and pushing me to get straight A's. That year was so depressing that I have actually thought of killing myself just to get out of this hole. The competition among me and my friends were obvious though - each of us fighting for the scores and I actually survived until two weeks before the big examination when the news broke out.

The boy friend that I had a crush on since I was eight was dating the two-faced girl in class. And what broke my heart the most is, the girl actually told me that she was trying hard to get him back to me when actually, she was currently dating him and guess what, the whole school already know about it besides me and the one who told me about it was a best friend of mine.

That was the time when I thought that I got pushed back so hard to the point that I might give up on my life.

But then again, why should I end my life because of one ridiculous boy who's incapable of anything?

The truth is, I'm just a weak person and I might look strong outside - I actually don't but inside, I feel as if I just want to die.

I really have no idea why I'm writing this though.