The room is dark. No light coming in or out. No sound but my shaky breath. The walls seem to be closing in on me, it becomes more and more difficult to breathe. I start to tremble, I cannot stop it. It's taking over me completely, utterly consuming me. I try to close my eyes and picture the happiness. .but there is only black. I see a face. It's my reflection. .but that is not me. This girl has soulless eyes. She has no emotion what so ever. She's pale, frozen in a way. She's trapped. It's like a nightmare that I'm living. I don't want to be having these thoughts. I don't want to have to urge to do it. Every one thinks I'm happy, content, peaceful. But truthfully I'm far from it. I'm that person that will sit there constantly making jokes, trying to lighten up the atmosphere. I'm always wearing a smile on my face when you see me. I become defensive for anyone that I am associated with, whether we're close or not. I want to protect everyone. But how can I protect the people I love and care for. .when I cannot even protect myself from. . .myself. It's a constant battle. I'm losing soldiers, running out of ammunition, my army slowing but significantly becoming weaker and weaker. I am standing on the edge of a cliff, purposely leaning dangerously too far over. I like to sit in silence and stare at my surroundings. Watch the world and all that is apart of it, go by. I love looking at the sky, night or day. Listening to the world. Looking at every detail that lay before my eyes. I find peace with nature. It's just simply beautiful in every way. My other escape is, piano. I've been playing since I was 6. It is my grandpa's love, and he shared it with me. I was blessed to be able to feel, hear, play and have such a beautiful creation in my life. Whenever I hear the sound of a piano or if I just simply see one. My heart instantly swells with warmth and begins to beat intensely. My fingers then begin to itch with the urge to let them glide ever so gently over those magnificent black and white keys. Now my grandpa is older and struggles to play. So whenever I am near a piano, I play. Not for me, for him. Seeing someone who you truly care for and love with your whole, smile so big and gaze at you with such proud, loving and peaceful eyes. Has tears threatening to fall from your eyes. I am a person who is gullible enough to believe that everyone is as nice as I am. That no one is bad, or has a bad side that will do something against me. I like to believe that the world is filled with kindness, generosity and is harmless. But sadly to my dismay, it is not. There is no other person like me, who feels the way I do, who likes the things I do, who wants to do what I want to do. There's so much I still want to do for the world and all the people. But I'm running out of time, so I do what a can for now. I bear with the difficult things. I just want people to know how much love I want to give the world, and that I'm trying. But I'm exhausted now. So I rest, slowly letting the uncomfortable, terrifying silence wrap around me like a blanket securing me in my own madness, never to let me escape. Unless. .