Me: I need life counseling. I need motivation. I need a how-to book about life. Know what I mean? Lol, I'm talking nonsense. Ignore me

Trryst: ...What happened?

Me: Nothing. Just... I've realized that I've been doing nothing right in life. I need someone who can understand me. That's all I guess. But I'm afraid that you won't be able to understand me.

Me: I'm afraid a normal person can't understand me. A person with social status CAN'T understand me. with this kind of personality.. its hard to say. 

Trryst: Well, I do hope I can. Just...tell me. About anything. I might don't understand, I might don't have the right solution, but I'm open for ears. I'll listen (or read, whatever). I'll try to help you the best I can. I'm not a really sociable either, so maybe...if you don't mind, you could talk to me... 

Me: I.. dunno you in reality. I mean, we never see each other physically, and I think you're a good friend, and.. I think that maybe you'll understand me. Even just a little. So will you hear me out? Trryst: Of course I will. I mean, that's what a friend does, right? And for me, you're a good friend (even though I don't know how you feel about me...). So, talk (err, type). I'm here :')

Me: Okay, thanks. You don't know just how grateful and happy I am for you wanting to hear me out. I just hope that your feelings real. I was writing in my memo, and I'll paste it here, wait

Trryst: Okay...

Me: Little things that people thought as a trivial, easy, not-a-problem, in life seems so hard on me. I seemed to be not an average person. I'm awkward to strangers. Heck, I'm awkward with classmates. Even family. I'm not antisocial, antisocial people aren't awkward with other people. They just don't want to talk. While me.. I don't know what to talk. I just.. its hard to say.

Trryst: That is so me. Except for TF1 and some of my really, really close friends, I'm awkward. Well, I could socialize only when I need to. Like, for school projects (and I promise you it's still awkward...). If I have no business with them, I wouldn't talk...like, at all. Even with the girls who have the same interests as mine. I, too, couldn't open up. Okay, forget about my problems. So...what would you want me to help you with, actually?

Me: Just... can you understand how I feel? I just wish I can shut myself out from people and be an anti social but I just can't. My heart won't let me. She doesn't want me to be alone. But my brain wants me to be alone, not wanting to think how troublesome it'll be to learn how to socialize properly. 

Me: I just want to be a doctor, by studying hard and everything, but my life just feel so incomplete without socializing

Me: People naturally have the ability to socialize. But I don't. And I don't even know why. I mean, my parents are /really really really/ sociable people. My dad, not bragging here, it seems that he may know all the higher-ups of the country or something. When he saw some minister in the news, he'll tell me "I know him" or something. Whereas I don't even know my classmates.

Trryst: Not all peoples could socialize, you know. Some peoples just had it in them; popularity, self-confidence, high social class, etc. And some just love to be in a little group of two or three, just talking with them and don't bother to socialize much. Like me. And probably you. And about 'alone'; no one could live alone. Think about your feelings, your body, yourself. You'll suffer if you're alone. Not just physically, mentally as well. Listen to the voice of your heart; you don't want to be alone. You don't. No one does. Everyone has a right to have someone beside them. I'm here for you, MF1 and MF3 are there for you. You could always talk to us when you have a problem. Your brain said you want to be alone? Probably you just need some time alone. But not forever. Sometimes when peoples are just...frustrate, desperate, sad, or just don't have the mood; they need some times alone. Socializing isn't easy for peoples like us, I know that. Especially when you want to be a doctor, it's even harder, since you just have to socialize. I'm no expert on socializing, tbh. Just some of my opinion here; why not trying to open up with your closest ones, like, MF1 or MF3. Or probably your Mom or Dad. I...my parents are divorced, so I don't really know how socializing is inside a 'real' family. So really, I'm sorry for not being much help. But one think I've learned, the easiest way of socializing is from the smallest circle of your world. I don't think this even makes sense. I failed orz. I feel...I feel bad. Sorry. 

Me: Its okay. You really helped. But.. I don't think I'll be able to tell this to other people. Its not like I have trust issues, its just... I don't like being judged. MF3 is... quite sociable, she's also easygoing, I guess I'm just afraid about how she'll think about me. Maybe she'll think that I'm coward or something. Well, I know that I am. But, hearing it from other person will... hurt. Like, really hurt.

Trryst: Hell, judged. It's the last thing that I wanted to happen in my life. No, I don't even want people to judge me...I've been judged, many times, and it hurt like hell. If it isn't for my friends, I don't know, I probably would have a mental breakdown right now. Why am I ranting again. Ah, then how about MF1? Why don't you talk to her instead?

Me: I'm a coward, I'm weak, both physically and mentally, not easygoing, hard to get to know, I just have so many weaknesses. I know that if I use my brain, like, full-on, I can even memorize a full history book /exaggerating lol/ . I can be first in the whole school if I want to. so, I thought that maybe I can just shut myself out, be antisocial, be a nerd, and be the first. But, without socializing it seemed so hard. And with this laziness in me, it'll be harder lol Me: MF1, she's neither antisocial nor like me. She just seemed so.. carefree. She has MF2 and me, and maybe MF1F as well. And she's quite easygoing if you talk to her more. I think she's just fine with the way she is Me: I think she won't judge me, but she seemed too carefree to understand either, so I don't really think its a good choice, but maybe I'll try talking to her sometime. Me: *too lazy to correct those typos, correct them yourself lol*

Trryst: Han, we... I feel like we're almost the same. Forget the fact that you're probably smarter, you're prettier, your voice is nicer, your fanfic is more awesome, and your drawing is perfecter. We have the same social problems. So how about we sulk here together about being unsocializeable? Lol /shot Trryst: Actually do talk to MF1. She's fine the way she is, yes. And I also think she won't judge. She jokes a lot, but when you talk to her seriously, I think she'll talk seriously as well. Just try and talk to her. :'3

Me: We WON'T sulk. We need to do something lol. I'm lying. I can't 'do something' about this. Well, at least not now. Maybe not ever lol

Trryst: Eh, don't be mad! I'm just kidding! And, seriously, don't give up! Forcing yourself to do something you couldn't is hard, but the results... it's nice, isn't it? Especially when it's your own hardwork, so... don't give up just yet, Hana!

Me: I should make a blog about this. Lets copy-paste this chat, censor the names, then post it!! It'll be fun lol. You know, I'll really do this. We're speaking english here, it'll be easier to share. Right right right?!! '-') 9

Me: I won't give up. I'll.. just go with the flow. But I don't think I'll change either. Its too troublesome lol.

Trryst: Yes, just copy-paste it! I'll be waiting for the blog post lol 8D

Trryst: Then don't. Don't change. Just...try harder. Just don't change. Try to talk to people a bit, but don't be too different. Be yourself. Me: Yeahhh lets do it lol. I'm doing it now.

#NOTE#

MF1: My Friend 1 
MF2: My Friend 2 
MF3: My Friend 3 
TF1: Trryst's Friend 1 
MF1F : My Friend 1's Friend 

THIS chat up here is my chat with Trryst, a really good friend of mine, or maybe best friend? I dunno. Any suggestions, solutions, or just comments and/or opinion? Please do type it below. :)

But, please, DO NOT JUDGE US.