To begin with/clear things up /rewind to 1 month ago/ i was noticing i was gaining weight like  i wasnt happy, my cheeks get really round TT~TT so i decided to eat less, now in my family we eat mexican food, and i have been getting quite tired of it, so i started eating smaller/controlled portions, but it ended up getting out of hand where i would eat breakfast, sometimes forget lunch or eat lunch like an hour or two late and i wouldnt be hungry so i ended up eating very little around 2 PM. dinner, sometimes i would eat dinner if i noticed i didnt eat. then i would reserve to eating a piece of bread with coffee, which i would forget my coffee most of the time. basically at the end of the month, i was eating like at least 10 bites of food per meal. that is an idea of what how much i was eating, then family would stop by and bring over shares of what they cooked and an aunt brought over spaghetti sauce that have meatballs already in it... which leads to me eating a lot of it quite hungrily because i felt like i had to eat regularily again not those tiny portions i limited myself to. that was thursday evening.

So on Saturday~ I had this really obnoxious wave of nausea and started my period and anything i ate, i only ate very little, because i was really sensitive to smell and had cramps like ermagerd krisus could you help a girl out! anywho.. later that night, i threw up because of food poisoning and didnt eat something small like cereal -so you can imagine how bad eating habits i had that day- i had a really bad fever the entire night and couldn't sleep well. in the morning i woke up early and crawled into my mom's bed to sleep with her and before i knew it it was 10 AM so even more had NOTHING to eat, we got out of bed and i went to prepare oatmeal, the kitchen seemed too bright. i started feeling nervous out of no where. i poured milk into the pot and eventually turned the stove off because that strange nervous feeling wouldn't go away, i called out to my mom that i wasn't feeling well, that i felt really strange. Suddenly everything was bright and my mom was taking the cage of our parakeets out in the back yard. i tried to eat a banana thinking maybe i had like low blood sugar or something but chewing the banana felt like each bite was slow and my tongue felt slow. i swallowed and turned to look at my mom and everthing was going black no matter how hard i tried to look my surroundings were turning black. I held onto the washing machine that is in the kitchen because my knees felt weak and i tried to walk to go lay down in her room since its closer from the hallway. I stopped in the middle of the hallway and started to panic because everything turned dark and i called out to my mom that i couldnt see. how would i know thats what fainting felt like?? my mome rushed to me and i was clinging to her, her calling to me, shes like a head shorter than me -im 5'5''-, she was telling me to look at her and i couldnt i repeated to her that i couldnt see her that i felt weak. she called to my sister in the living room to call the ambulence and all i could do was listen and take deep breaths. we live like 2 minutes away from a fire department and they came right when my vision was clearing up and i was seated on a kitchen chair. They took my blood pressure and found out it was low. so they took me to the ER and put so much IV fluid, like 3, of them, only until 6 hours later i was admitted into the beautiful 'corner room' with said beautiful beach view in the hospital to stay overnight so they could keep a watch on me. Blood samples, and many visits to the bathroom, my blood pressure was fine but then they said something about my heart rate going up whenever i stood up to go the bathroom so that caused another night in the hospital. Overall, food poisoning caused my nausea, i am anemic /is that how u spell it?/ which explained the low blood pressure causing me to faint which they put iron in me so im all good, i was definitely dehydrated because i think i went through 8 IV bags thingies OTL, i lost 4 pounds at the hospital -__- im liike a flabby pancak on bone idk, went to see my physician and she told me to eat breakfast beans so i be tired of beans already after 4 days!!!  

I was really depressed since i got out of the hospital after, just sitting in my room feeling all alone, not eating tasty things because it was christmas day and every fast food place was basically closed. Going outside to the living room to greet someone that came to the house felt suffocating like i wanted to hide, going to the kitchen to eat brought back all the memories and light-headedness and i felt like a switch would go off in me that told me to panic and i would have to take deep breaths and assure myself that i was healthy and had to stay calm. Staying to "rest" inside my room was the worst, i felt like i was isolated and left to think and torture myself. It was just terrible i cried so much because it hit me that i wasnt taking care of myself and i was blaming myself for not eating right. Those thoughts destroyed me and I tried to turn to my family but they couldn't understand, there isnt a way for them to take it into their minds and accept that i could be depressed.  

Then on friday i went with three friends out to eat KBBQ and it was really fun, i was a little dizzy but I was so excited to be free from my room. (Especially because a server guy looked just like Jay Park, i was drooling over him OTL, ill see him again one day XD). I think from there I started to feel emotionally better. When someone asks me "how did you feel when it was happening?" A week ago, I didnt even want to look at that person, i felt like i was instantly mad at them for bringing back those memories, now i just say it short and simple "weak and like i was going to black out."  it gets easier and i dont mind as much now that i do feel like i am trying harder to be healthier and drink more water, I dont want this to happen again and I dont want to go back to those bad eating and sleeping habits. I also dont wish anyone to ever feel like not eating will solve their weight problems, sure it would work, but the risks are bigger than wanting a slim body. Please be careful of your overall health, we all need someone to encourage us mentally and physically, whether its speaking to a close friend online because we cant seem to be strong enough to say it in our own voice, or to confront your family and tell them your concern in the most serious manner, they are there to help us because they love us. 

Thank you for those who read it and who aren't a subscriber to one of my stories, thank you to my subscribers that encouraged me with your kind words to get well soon, that little comment means a lot! 

Me every day:

 XD ok ive returned to going crazy, i am fine now :)